depression takes over.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lost_child, Oct 24, 2007.

  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Empty, drained, tired, no fight left, body has shut down, mind is in overload. I've 4 anti-depressants left but I won't be going back for more, there's no point I've been on them since May and I still get extremely depressed, I still feel suicidal, I still self harm, I still can't cope, I'm always tired, I have no energy, my concentration is shoot, appetite gone (not a bad thing as I'm fat anyway), no intrest in life..go to work for a few hours give up go home, sit on sofa or lay in bed and do nothing. I've a constent headache, feel sick all the time, my cold won't go, infections after infections. self inflicted cuts won't heal. I'm told it takes time life will improve I don't believe it, I can't feel that it will. I don't have the energy to kill myself as planned for saturday, I don't have the energy to argue, to fight, to talk. I give up, and just wait. I've not been on SF cause the words I have are nothing but empty and useless, I've not spoken to anyone even at work as there's nothing to say. I might as well be a ghost, just waiting for the white light to guide me to that better place.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    the light will eventually come :)
    live in hope.
  3. numberman

    numberman Well-Known Member

    I hope you don't think I am stalking you because I am not but I was wondering what you were up to.People on this forum are at different stages and cause me varying degrees of concern but you're near the top of the list.

    To respond to your post,please think of the following:

    (1) The anti-depressants are not working for possibly three different reasons:

    (a) Pills are primarily to deal with chemical imbalances and problems with the release of certain hormones into the body.. they do deal as well with environmental depression ie how we think and view things

    (b) Some of the benefits of pills comes from the so called placebo effect- ie if you think they will help,then they will and vice-versa.. have you really given them a chance? Popping pills for the sake of it is not enough, you have got to want them to work

    (c) It could be that the pills are causing you side effects and thus making you feel worse.. if so get your GP to prescribe new ones

    (2) Energy loss and fatigue are classic depression traits,caused by physiological changes, nothing more ( or indeed less) than that.Are you eating properly?I am delighted to hear that you don't have the energy to harm yourself but not so pleased to hear that you walk out of work almost without a word to anyone else. I am sure that you are aware that if you lose your job,things will be worse still.
    What I can't understand,amongst other things, is how you manage to be self-assertive at work- and you have to be in the job you do,getting clients to change their ways,- but you lack it so much outside work ie you do not change yourself.

    (3) Your words are not empty and useless otherwise no-one would respond. Everyone wants to help you but nobody can properly unless you attempt to help yourself.
    Tell us what you would like, even if certain aspects are unattainable, to make your life worth living.

    (4) Where does this idea of a better place come from? Do you know something we don't ?The simple answer is that no-one knows if the "beyond " is better or not and don't be deluded into thinking otherwise.This world is a long way from being perfect but like it or not it is the one we have to deal with

    You need to find some local self-help groups ,perhaps attend the local church and its social activities, these types of places will be attended by the type of person who will not judge you .A fundamental pre-condition of tolerable human existence is interaction with others, that is the real issue you need to address, once you get over that hurdle you will feel more comfortable with all matter of things

    Stay safe and go back to work!
  4. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    The anti-d's I am on are for anxiety and depression to build serotone (so I guess its chemical inbalance only. I have given them a try, it took 18 months before I went on them and its only when things didn't improve that I agreed.

    I'm eating when I can, I eat pretty healthy no junk food or packaged foods full of rubbish, but my appetite has gone. Work aren't aware that I'm not in most days I guess the conveinance of being able to work from home helps...and the fact that my bosses are used to not seein or hearing from me for weeks/months at a time.

    I used to me good at my job, now I'm not ~ Its like I'm 2 different people, 2 different worlds..when I have the energy to go to work I try so hard to seperate my work from my life (although recentely that has been impossible). I can advice others, I can make changes positive for others but for me I can't, I don't know how to and I don't like me, or have any care for me. I guess that's why. I don't know.

    I want to interact with others again I'm just worried about the attacks that I have, or the shyness getting in the way again.

    I just want everything to stop, eveything I need it to stop to cathh up. sorry
  5. numberman

    numberman Well-Known Member


    I am pleased every time you post because it means that you are doing something positive.

    Do not ever again say sorry to me or to anyone else on this forum, you have nothing to be sorry about

    Go to the doctor and sort out these tablets, if nothing else the placebo effect that I spoke of will help.If they do build serotone they should help you

    I didn't realise that you worked from home.Although I am a fan of remote working,it can be an isolating experience and with depression this can prove very problematic. Presumably you are happy in your job or would it be possible to do something else where you could see others a bit more?, The types of skills that you probably have are surely very marketable.. but a CV with a redundancy/firing really has a hole in it,do not let this happen

    Your ability to persuade others to do things means that you do have a self-assertive streak in you, it just needs to be released on yourself.. you need to really talk to your counsellor about this or to this forum because I think that if you can crack this you can make great strides forward. If you sit with a counsellor for 50 minutes and not say what you need to say you are wasting your time, not hers ,if it is an issue with that particular therapist then get another one.She can help you if you let her and you do that by being honest.

    Tell me about these attacks you speak of, what form do they take? Shyness,like depression, can be fought and allayed, I am not convinced it can ever be totally beaten but it can be contained so it becomes liveable with, but it takes working at.

    Keep talking to me/us and don't use the word sorry again