I've tried to kill myself twice now. The second time was more dramatic. I overdosed and drank alcohol, waking up and spending the rest of the day feeling like I had a stroke. By the time it had faded away, I realized that killing myself isn't an option. An evaluator at a mental hospital I temporarily visited said that I need to look in the mirror and like myself, or else this will not go away. I realized what he said was true, but by what means? I am not good looking, and I am in fact intimidating. I tend to overwhelm people for some reason, or have no ability to connect to them at all. I basically have no short term social skills. Basically, I have aspergers and I have learned to use induction/deduction for a lot of social situations. Generally, this means I have to spend a lot of time with someone to understand how to interact with them. I have absolutely no chance at learning to like myself, because liking yourself means you feel settled, but any NON RETARDED, RATIONAL, NORMAL HUMAN BEING, knows that you can not continue to live a disconnected lonely existence and feel settled. I've realized that everyone else around me is flawed and stupid. They play these little social games with each other, and feel comfortable because they just get it intuitively, but there is nothing moral about it. Just because somebody doesn't understand how their actions hurt people, does not prevent them from committing an immoral act; such would be an argument from ignorance. Fuck everyone else. You all deserve to be hated. I'd argue that because we keep treating perfectly functional adults like children, we are keeping them from properly maturing. Im 24 years old, and when I meet others my age, the insecurity is unreal. Its like everyone is a bunch of fucking teenagers still. I began to become friends with a girl a couple weeks ago, at least what I thought was friendship. But as soon as I asked her to do something unrelated to class, she never spoke to me again. This person just wanted to USE me, they wanted an easy way to pass the class. Thats how people see me. People see me like I am a machine, to be used. From now on, I will not feel guilty about the way people see me. No... Im going to exploit people, walk over them, and show them what a true force of nature I am. When people see my A's, and want to study like this one girl, I am going to tell them to fuck off, and that they are an idiot. I'll fuck over people in my labs to finish first, because I know how to finish faster than them, and just take the equipment. No more bullshit. You have treated me like I am different, so I am going to behave like I am different, and instead treat everyone else like animals. I am done with suicide attempts.