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Depression

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Nessarose, May 26, 2007.

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  1. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I'm a fat cow. I hate being schizophrenic. I hate that only Zyprexa has worked for me so far. Zyprexa 1.) increases appetite, 2.) slows metabolism, 3.) increases drowsiness/sleeping time.

    I used to weigh 113, although at that weight and with my eating (or lack thereof) I was anorexic. Now I weigh 160-something and I have so much fat on me. My psychiatrist and doctor want me to lose weight, so I'm on a strict diet, but blech. I feel disgusting.

    I see the psychiatrist again on Tuesday. If I told her about my depression/suicidal feelings I know she'd have me locked up.

    I don't know how I'm going to finish school. I have no willpower. I don't care about anything. I don't know how I'm going to go back to work, either.
     
  2. RYAN WHITELAW

    RYAN WHITELAW New Member

  3. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    Huh?

    No responses needed--I'm just here to vent.

    I'm on 200 mg of Zoloft a day and I still feel horrible. I want to hurt myself but I'm afraid of Hell. I don't want to hurt myself because of my family, my kitten, and my (now living with someone else) doggie. But I don't want to be here, either. William Stryon called depression a "brainstorm," and that sounds pretty accurate right now. I may ask my doctor to put me on something besides Zoloft, because it isn't working. I still have social anxiety, too, but it's been worse. My main concern is the depression.

    I try to relax myself with hot baths, music, and reading, but the distractions don't last long. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't feel right.

    Sleep, sleep, sleep is all I want to do right now.

    My mom's in the hospital. She possibly has pneumonia. I want to go visit her, but my stepdad's been going alone. I need to drive. I'm afraid of driving. Hopefully my mom can come home tomorrow.

    My mom wants me to watch TV, but I hate 99% of TV. She says it's a mindless distraction, which is probably true, but sometimes TV's just triggering.
     
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