please describe to me what it is you think that makes your life utter bullshit. I'll start (obviously...) wake up (could be 10 pm, could be noon, i don't have the ability to keep a schedule), lay in bed awake for an hour or two. get up, go eat something. then, smoke some weed, followed by an hour or so (until the high wares off) of either watching tv, playing video games, or listening to talk radio on my cell phone (either the alex jones show, or alan watt's cutting through the matrix.) Then once that is done, my will to remain awake begins to diminish quite rapidly, and i become extremely restless. This is usually followed by hours on end of just sitting, or lying down in the same spot, wondering how my life got to where it is, only to come back to the same conclusion, or realization as always. Which is, that my albinism and bad eyesight, and overall physical appearance lead to certain experiences in certain situations which ultimately shaped who i was, and am, psychologically. I was always this way. Eventually, i started smoking weed (3 years ago), and now ive become jaded towards it. so now what? what will be my newest form of escapism? i guess it is true that marijuana is a gateway drug. Because it can only lead you so far down the path before it begins to lose its ability to carry you, so you are forced to adopt newer, more powerful drugs which can carry you even further, until you get to the point where you are sucking dick, or killing for "the high." Either that, or face reality. But the way i see it, this is my reality, this is who i am. A pathetic loser, as was my destiny from the onset. I'm 22 years old people, and i spend my days predominantly sitting and doing absolutely NOTHING. not even watching tv, just... nothing, literally nothing.