Describe your worst depression and symptoms and if you recovered. I need some hope :(

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by iseeadarkness, Jul 1, 2015.

  1. iseeadarkness

    iseeadarkness New Member

    Basically what the title says.

    If you could all share your worst depression and symptoms,feelings,emotions etc involved. As well as what helped, how and if you recovered.
    I would really appreciate it, i need some hope, anything. I feel at deaths door, im terrified and suffering permanent agony, rage, fear, torture every second of every day. For a very long time. I feel now it would be better to be a quadraplegic, or have cancer. I would trade places. I do not want to live, and i see no hope. Only miserable cold darkness, that has consumed every fibre of my mind body and soul to the point where I am basically catatonic. Every aspect of my life is absurd insane absolute agony. There is no escape, ive tried everything, for so long. Each week gets worse and worse and worse.

    I am about to start parnate. But this will no doubt fail, miserably. Its my last chance.

    ISSUES: GAD, SAD, C-PTSD, BPD, SCHIZOTYPAL PD, OCD, PANIC DISORDER, MAJOR DEPRESSION with PSYCHOTIC FEATURES, DISSOCIATION, CODEPENDENCY, HYPERAROUSAL AND HYPERVIGILENCE, DYSMORPHIA, ZERO CONFIDENCE OR SELF ESTEEM OR SELF RESPECT, A WEAK SPINELESS PATHETIC LOSER WHO HAS ACHIEVED NOTHING AND HAS NOTHING IN LIFE AND HALF OF LIFE HAS ALREADY PASSED ME BY (NOTHING BUT HALF A LIFE OF MISERY AND PAIN), PARALYZING FEAR AND RAGE, ANHEDONIA, SUICIDE IDEATION, BITTER CONTEMPT FOR SOCIETY AND HUMANITY, PSEUDO-DEMENTIA, RUMINATION, SURROUNDED BY NOTHING BUT SELFISH NARCISSISTS AND ABUSE WITH NOT A SINGLE GOOD PERSON OR FRIEND IN THE WORLD, UTTERLY ALONE AND EMPTY AND DEAD INSIDE, THOUGHT DISORDER --- ALL TO THE EXTREME DISABLING EXTENT -- HENCE WHY I AM HERE AT THIS FORUM.

    Ive left a lot out, but this should do for now.

    Thank you, I wish i could take away your pain...
     
  2. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Re: Describe your worst depression and symptoms and if you recovered. I need some hop

    Hello, I am sorry you are feeling so terribly hopeless. I can relate and empathise with your pain. I too have a complicated diagnosis - traits of two personality disorders, an anxiety disorder and depression. I have read of other people on the forum having similar diagnoses too. I am currently awaiting therapy. Sometimes what helps me is getting of the house for a walk and doing something I enjoy (I like cooking). I think taking action in some way helps me. Even though sometimes it is so hard for me to do anything. Is there anything you like or enjoy? You are unique and beautiful in your own way, you might just need help forging your own path.