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Desire is strong

#1
Right now, temptation is powerful. Desire is strong. I'm not in the 'right' place to attempt just now but its coming. I find myself waiting for the sudden urge of impulse. Im not scared. Im not worried. not yet at least. Why do i write here? i dont know? maybe i dont wanna feel like this. im sick of the shit i put myself through, yes i know its my own doing. im sick of my thoughts. Sick of having to be 'happy' all the time. I dont even know what to say. sorry i guess.
 

Legate Lanius

Well-Known Member
#2
Feeling sick of things is no reason to kill yourself. Would someone kill themselves for being sick of a book? No, you'd then pick another book. Try to experience the sensation of sickness and face it's reality, in the present moment. It's never as large and intrusive as you make it out to be when you've lost mindfulness.
 

snowraven

Well-Known Member
#3
Nobody can be happy all the time and anyone who says they are deceiving themselves. I've been told many times I need to practice Happiness but I disagree. Since I was born I have been able to be happy and to be sad and to experience the whole gamut of human emotions. They rise and fall everyday. The problems come when we try to hang on to those emotions. Emotions are part of the human condition and none of them are any more or less valid than the others. Yesterday I felt happy, sad, angry, joyful, hurt, relieved, scared, hopeful and many other things. We have to learn to stop allowing our emotions to control us. Best wishes.
 
#4
I try to reason with myself. Try not to let things overwhelm me. Just generally try to live. I know this might sound stupid, I don't really see myself as sick. I don't know what I need I don't know what im supposed to be doing. I feel a little lost you know?
No, there had been no 'huge incident' which has made me feel like this. Maybe if there was I could deal with it. No, life puts pressure on me. Daily things bury me. Just me, I guess. Just in the way of everyone. People would be better off if I wernt here, I know that.
We have to learn to stop allowing our emotions to control us
^^^ that! Is my single biggest issue! But, how do we do that? I don't know I just dont know.
Maybe I just need to get through the day and hope tomorrow is better?
 

snowraven

Well-Known Member
#5
I try to reason with myself. Try not to let things overwhelm me. Just generally try to live. I know this might sound stupid, I don't really see myself as sick. I don't know what I need I don't know what im supposed to be doing. I feel a little lost you know?
No, there had been no 'huge incident' which has made me feel like this. Maybe if there was I could deal with it. No, life puts pressure on me. Daily things bury me. Just me, I guess. Just in the way of everyone. People would be better off if I wernt here, I know that.

^^^ that! Is my single biggest issue! But, how do we do that? I don't know I just dont know.
Maybe I just need to get through the day and hope tomorrow is better?
Mine too. But I've found that studying things like mindfulness helps. I read a lot of the teachings of the Dalai Lama on these issues and he speaks with wisdom. I'm not a Buddhist but I've been helped by many of their ideas. Hope you can find things that help.
 

lifetalkz

Well-Known Member
#7
Stay with the metaphor...I'm a survivor of more than 20 years of suicidal depression and anxiety. The turning point in my recovery was when I understood that my constant urge to end my life was really a strong desire to CHANGE my life! It was a metaphor...as in, the surface appearance of things was symbolic of certain feelings that were deep inside of me that I felt forbidden to express or give life to. I was stuck at an extremely painful crossroads-I had to give expression to things that were true about me that I knew would hurt people in my family and change the way that they saw me, thought of me. It's actually very complicated-but to put it simply, I encourage you to consider the possibility that there might be more to your circumstance than meets the eye. Best wishes and good luck-LT
 

MichaelKay

Well-Known Member
#10
When I'm in that state of mind I try to ask myself what else there is? What alternative is there for me to be alive? Being dead and experiencing nothing? That's not really an alternative, that's just nothing.

So I persuade myself to stay alive, see what happens, experience something rather than nothing. And I know it sounds easier than it is and I do doubt it myself at times. But again, I don't feel there's an alternative. The only alternative to feeling shitty and sad is to pursue happiness, not death.

So either I have to pull myself out of the pit, find out what I want and pursue it, be happy where I am and accept it for the time being, or give in and forget all choices and possibilities. The last one is really not an option for me.

I know this sounds pretentious but somehow I'd rather feel something than nothing even if that is feeling bad. I stopped taking meds because they made me feel hollow inside. Like nothing mattered. And I'd rather feel the ups and downs than feel this numbing indifference towards everyone and everything.

I love watching animals because I tell myself they don't have those kind of thoughts. They just are. Pure in-the-moment being. Sometimes I wish I could be the same.
 

MichaelKay

Well-Known Member
#12
Im sorry im a bit blinded at the moment. Its really hard to see things right now other than the dark
I understand. I hope it passes soon. No matter what it's okay to feel that way at times. I'm not sure what to say but please stay safe and well okay? Dark clouds do disappear again so just hang in there.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#13
i know that you are suffering right now @Flowerdream but things can improve in time if you keep trying. and nobody would be better off if you were gone. try to set small goals to make your life better , even a little progress is a victory.

and don't try to pretend to be happy for others, that just adds more pressure. try to find things in your life that can bring you real joy. it can be small like a special meal or big like a new car and anything inbetween. even a little joy goes a long way. i hope things start to improve for you soon...mike....*console*sadhug*shake
 
#14
Stay with the metaphor...I'm a survivor of more than 20 years of suicidal depression and anxiety. The turning point in my recovery was when I understood that my constant urge to end my life was really a strong desire to CHANGE my life! It was a metaphor...as in, the surface appearance of things was symbolic of certain feelings that were deep inside of me that I felt forbidden to express or give life to. I was stuck at an extremely painful crossroads-I had to give expression to things that were true about me that I knew would hurt people in my family and change the way that they saw me, thought of me. It's actually very complicated-but to put it simply, I encourage you to consider the possibility that there might be more to your circumstance than meets the eye. Best wishes and good luck-LT
I hope so,
 
#16
Im sorry it's taken so long to reply, I wasn't able to find words that I needed to answer anyone.
It's ok to wait as long as you need to. Sometimes people wait a really long time before replying, or don't even reply at all.

The purpose of threads is to support the OP, so I think it's ok to handle them in whatever way helps the most.
 
#17
i know that you are suffering right now @Flowerdream but things can improve in time if you keep trying. and nobody would be better off if you were gone. try to set small goals to make your life better , even a little progress is a victory.

and don't try to pretend to be happy for others, that just adds more pressure. try to find things in your life that can bring you real joy. it can be small like a special meal or big like a new car and anything inbetween. even a little joy goes a long way. i hope things start to improve for you soon...mike....*console*sadhug*shake
The thing is though Everyone Would be better off if I weren't here. I don't really know what makes me happy anymore I seem to of gotten lost somewhere along the way. I dunno.
I do know, I don't seem to have the balls for desires so yep, failed at that too. But nevermind.
Anyway, I'm still here, that's all that matters right?
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#20
i'm sorry that things are so bad right now. i'm sorry for being a little blunt but you have fallen into a dark hole with no light at all getting in. but it's ok because you can climb out of that hole and see light again. we will help you, family and friends can help you, and professionals can help you. but you have to do the work to pull yourself out.

the first thing you need to do is want things to get better. then make small goals to make yourself better a little at a time. look in your past and see what used to make you happy then try doing those things again. you can climb out of that hole and see the light again.

keep trying and we will be by your side. please keep talking we are listening to you and care about you. and nobody will be better off with you gone. you can have a positive good life so please don't rob yourself of that....mike...*hug*shake*sadhug*console
 

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