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desperate decision

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unbearable

Well-Known Member
#1
Im feeling very trapped and desperate, the only person I have is my boyfriend. Whilst hes done a lot in the past to betray and make me unhappy Ive stayed as I have no one else, add to that his friends and some family having been less then pleasant to me when all ive tried to do is be nice to them. We are now due to get married next month, Im feeling down and worried about the whole thing,
If I dont marry I will end up on living on my own with no visitors and no where to go and that wont end in a good way, I feel my only choice is to marry into something I dont feel is going to be the happiest thing for me (although lucky to have as much as that) but out of desperation see no other way.
I feel depressed at those two options and a third of ending my life is always now in my mind, im feeling it more and more every day, I know im very lucky to have him though as im terrible at going out and making friends which is why I have no one and no where else to go
My panic attacks and self harm thoughts are coming at me pretty full force and the option of ending it all is a very comforting one
 

Terry

Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
And those suicidal thoughts and panic attacks are telling you loud and clear DO NOT MARRY THIS PERSON!

Ok so you find it difficult to make friends, but you met him so you can do it.
think long and hard here, ok so you'll be alone and lonely for a while, but there are ways to meet people and make friends.
However lonely its got to be better than tying yourself to someone who doesnt make you happy. :hug:
 

unbearable

Well-Known Member
#3
Thank you for the reply, I actually met him in hospital which is how I got to meet someone, i have severe social phobia which makes it near impossible to find people. I do love him but issues of the past are still going around in my head and making me unhappy about the future with him. I wonder if its just nerves about the commitment or if its all valid concerns, either way Im soo depressed
 
#4
Its fine to be worried about marrying him, a wedding is stressful.

Are you only marrying him because you think you can't get anyone else?
Thats wrong for you. You can find someone else.

Just think of yourself married to him as if you chose it.
How would it go?
Is is a loving relationship?
Do you feel less suicidal?

Not think about not marrying him as if you chose it?
Do you feel more free?
Do you feel less suicidal?

Think about your opinion and remember there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about what you're feeling.

Its perfectly natural to feel that way sometimes.
 

Terry

Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
#5
how about popping along to your doc and asking to see a counsellor?
I think talking this over with a disinterested party will give you some clarity.
if you can't afford a counsellor, give the Samaritans a ring, they will give you the space and the ear you need :smile:
 
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