i'v been cutting myself since my first year of university i was about 19 when i started, i remember being drunk one night and upset about something in my room and picking up my razor and just going crazy cutting my arms, i knew at the time what i was doing was crazy but i just could'nt stop myself, since that day iv been cutting myself on and off for about 7 years. Iv now moved onto my legs as its easier to cover from my family and people at work. I did once have 'counselling' for this amongst other stuff but i found it useless and it made me want to cut myself even more. I find the feeling of cutting myself is euphoric watching the blood seeping out of my skin is amazing. At this percise moment i am feeling so desperate to cut my self but i cant, im going on holiday (as much as i wish i wasnt) but its an escape from my family from being here thats why im going. If my friend see's these cuts she will really freak out (not really the sort of person who can handle anything life that). I cant bear to shatter the elusion to her that im nothing but full of happiness except all im constantly thinking of is cutting myself and taking my life. Is there anyone that has any idea how i can take this feeling of desperation away? All i can think of is how once i see that blood how the pain will dissapear even if it is just for a short time.