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desperate for human contact

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by OutCaste, Jul 22, 2008.

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  1. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'm really that pathetic. I fantasize about chatting to people, having imaginary discussions and that comforts me. I'm craving to talk to some one. I cannot live without posting on 5-6 forums whether they are eudcational(computers/physics etc) or suicidal or politics. May be I repeat my stories on this forum too much but I really want to talk.

    Seriously, the last 4 years have been miserable. I've been shy, awkward all my life but I've traumatised beyond repair in my college. Why you did this to me ? Does it make you happy to ruin someone's life. Atleast before that I could hold my head up and walk without feeling shame. I had a few friends in highschool, majority of whom were from lower middle class and they always made fun of me. But atleast these people helped me in worst times and we were always together like a gang. I did not care about having no influential or popular kids as friends but after a chain of events in 2004-2005, which I better not describe, my life has been ruined. I used to get tense every night before I went to sleep, every day when I woke up and had to face 500 people sneering at me in university. Oh god, I don't know how I managed to live then. I bagged a very good job at a software company after graduation but I had to resign in 4 days, thanks to some people from my university(who also got selected) harassing me daily. After this, I hibernated and didn't do anything for long (6 months) time. All I did was prepare for GRE(I'm going for my masters in US this fall), smoke weed, watch porn. I didn't get out of my house for 6 months. I just got bigger, ate terrible food, never worked out. Right now, I'm working for the last 6 months but I haven't spoken to most employees even once. I'm terrified to speak to anyone. But, It's pure torture to live and not have friends. Since 2004 i've probably spent 95% of all my time alone -- in my room, apartment, being by myself in university, work. It's a tough life. Why I can't live without being afraid and fearful for a second. Why are we forced to be around people we don't like. Where's the freedom ? It makes you angry, it makes you hate things even more. Don't really know what to do anymore. How am I supposed to live another, what? 50-60 years like this ? On the other hand, I also dislike human contact because I don't trust them. I hope someone can understand what I'm saying. There is a lack of good human beings int his world. They lack emotions. You can't go close to anyone or they will expoloit you. I wake up every morning depressed, I go sleep depressed. I can't even watch television anymore, there's nothing interesting on it. I'm always on the internet and my bills are rising. my head hurts because of the depression and i cannot get up on time in the morning. Not befroe 10-11am.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2008
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You are able to function out in the "real world" so that is a good thing. Hopefully thengs will be different for you when you go to the US for your masters. It will be a fresh start. Have you undergone any counselling to help you come to terms with what happened? Not all people are bad. Remember, if you act like a victime, you will always be a victim. Hang in there and make a new life for yourself. You deserve to give yourself that much at least. :hug:
  3. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    thanks for your comforiting words.
    I can only function in the real world if I'm around people who don't know me. I can front around them. I don't want to be a victim, I just hope people stop judging me for my past actions and leave me alone in peace.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Outcaste,
    I know how you feel. I am an isolationist. I have no friends, I avoid having to be around people, that includes family get togethors. For instance at christmas time I go to who evers house is having christmas at. I last a couple of hours and then I have to go lay down somewhere quiet. So you see I can relate to you.
    Perhaps you can talk to a counselor at school and find a therapist you can see until you leave for the US. I have had some progress since I started seeing mine. Before you couldn't get me out of my bedroom, I just didn't feel safe. I still don't trust people because they have abused me both mentally and physically.
    I hope you find some friends at your next school!! Take Care and if you need to PM me, feel free!:chopper:
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's understandable that you feel this way. There are does seem to be a lack of good people out there but as long as there are good people out there then all is not lost.

    Feel free to PM me anytime if you ever want to chat about anything.
  6. Rita_alt

    Rita_alt Member


    No one deserves to live like you do and you surely deserve the oportunity of getting good things around you. Other people don't seem to let you do that and they've forced you to feel that no one is trustable or has good intentions; thought, I'm pretty sure that you have been surrounded by the wrong ones. Unfortunatly, they've been destroying, in some way, your oportunity of relating to the right ones - those that won't judge you and who'll stand by your side. And you deserve that oportunity in every way. You can start holding it now, by talking to us. I won't judge you and some other people here have already expressed that too. Therapy can help you too - it can make you regain the trust in yourself to get close to others and leave that jail where you have been living so unfairly. First and above all, you have to get back the trust in yourself, in your ability of being someone who other people can definitly love.

    Please, PM me whenever you want to. You're not alone.
  7. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I understand to a certain extent what you are going through.
    Noone deserves to feel alone or be alone.
    If you wanna chat feel free to pm me anytime, im pretty much always on here and love to chat :)
  8. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    thanks for all the great responses.

    atleast i can talk to people online without any fear.
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