I am really becoming completely desperate and hopeless. I feel like I've had this internal survivor/suicidal struggle for so long now, and I just really can't see anything getting better. I don't know what is wrong with me, I don't know why I feel this way, or think this way. I don't know why everything keeps hurting and every day feels like such a horrific and painful struggle. I wake up in the morning and wish I didn't wake up. I get up and go to work, and am not sure if I'll make it to the end of the day, or the next day. I dread the 'tomorrow', the future. I have had therapy, and I've been on loads of medications, I have been hosptialised 3 times and I think I am seriously out of options. I feel like every day being alive is like fingernails on a chalkboard against me. I am tried of struggling, I am tried of fighting, I am tired of waking up, I am tried of being scared, of being hopeless, of being exhausted. I am tired of trying. I dont want to try anymore. I dont want anything in life anymore. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to fix it. I dont know what the answer is anymore. I dont think that there is even an answer. I dont know where to go anymore for help. I feel like I am becoming increasingly hysterical, as each day goes on. And this feels like its been going on for so long. I dont know where to go, or what to do. I can't find any relief. *sobs* Ayuria.