desperate, may trig.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Aug 19, 2007.

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  1. Im getting so desperate.
    Im bribing my mum later on when we are out to get me alcohol.
    I need to get drunk and end this.
    I was so close three nights ago.
    So fucking close.
    I need to do it again.
    Need to drink and drink and drink and drink until I cant drink nomore and then go to the train station... the rest writes itself...
    Im shaking and shivering and crying.
    Its out of control.
    I cant stop myself.
    Ive never been so out of control.
    I cant control it.
    Its out of my hands.
    I die.
  2. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    :hug: Please try not to do this... Is there anyone near you that you could get to keep an eye on you?
  3. No one knows how I feel in person.
    At all.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sarah please don't do anything like this. I want you to stay safe. :hug:
  5. I really have to.
    I really want to.
    I cant do this anymore.
  6. shorttimer.

    shorttimer. Member

    is it possible for you to tell us why you feel this way?
    I mean I've been through some rough times and it was always hard to put these feelings and their reasons into words.
    But can you try?

  7. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Yeah Sarah, whats wrong this time? You need to tell us please?
  8. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    Alcohol does that. It numbs the ache, soothes the wounds and singes the bleeding...until ache turns into raging pain. Where to go than?

    Bribing the people who are closest, not only throws you but also them into an unsolvable dilemma. To ask those who will always unconditionally offer help - your loved ones - harming you by supplying you with what destroys you.

    There was a time in my life, when I had to face up to the fact that I am an alcoholic. No longer could I pretend, no longer could I ignore that the people I love, offered me a bottle and tears at the same time.

    Going through an AA programme helped.

    I'm still hurdling myself towards darkness, but at least in its depth there is now a tiny candle burning, as I am not drinking any longer. At least I am now aware of death, no doubt death was always aware of me. I look forward embracing him on equal terms without a clouded mind.
  9. Everything.
    I'm losing everything.

    I have the alcohol.
    Maybe not enough.
    Maybe it is.
    We'll see...

    Tonight, my last night,
    the sun has set,
    everyone asleep,
    all alone,
    but tonight, I leave,
    walking into death,
    I shall soon be dead.

  10. The AA programme for a fourteen year old?

    No, I'd prefer to die.
    I numb fully when I drink.
    This time though, will be the last time I do this, the last time, I do anything.
    The last night alive.
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sarah, there would be nothing wrong with the AA program for you. If you need help, you need to seek it from whatever avenues are available to you. Death is not the answer Sarah. No matter what you are feeling. You are not thinking clearly. Please don't do what you are thinking of. :hug:
  12. Now I have to.
    My brother, best friend, is going to kill himself.

    Fuck sake
    I have to do this
    Im sorry

    fuck sake
  13. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Sarah is something or someone making you feel like this?I know no one understand how you really feel in person,no one can say they do.I just really want you to get better asap.:sad:
  14. Just_Jack

    Just_Jack New Member

    New to Forums, so Hi for the first time Sarah =]

    It's the day after you posted this thread, so I know a lot of people want you to post saying that you're ok.

    Life isn't easy.
    And being a teenager today is harder than it was 20 years ago.
    <<< Is 17, I know =/
    You always see families on tv and it everything always works out for the lead actor/actress in the end,
    And it's just like, "Why isn't my life like that?"

    But life is hard and it's stressful.
    There isn't going to be some lucky circumstances where suddenly everything is put right.
    But if you work at it, you will find the little moments, however rare, that you can't help but think 'I wouldn't trade this moment for the world'.

    The truth is the vast majority of teenagers drink a lot,
    so you shouldn't think that it's a terrible thing that you find yourself drunk on occasion.
    But if it worries you, don't feel you are too young to seek professional advice for it.
    Or for any other problems that you might have.
    You might not want to list your problems on this board,
    or pm me or many of the other members here,
    but you should understand that all of us can relate to atleast some of them,
    and are more than willing to help you as best we can =]

    Plus you're from the UK and without you, i'm just stuck with Americans =P

    P.S. Myspace me if you want to talk to someone closer to your age. I posted it in the thread you started =]
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 20, 2007
  15. boo hoo im not ok.
  16. Just_Jack

    Just_Jack New Member

    Pssh you're not ok?!?!

    Think about me; I'm stuck in the house watching mean girls -_-;

    Glad you're alive though =]
    Just try talking about your problems more :O
  17. ...
    no im not ok
    bout to pass out though..
  18. Just_Jack

    Just_Jack New Member

    Well what's up then?
    If you don't give us a clue what the problem is no-one can try helping =/ ><;
    but; Mean Girls + Vodka = Wishul Thinking.
    Probably can't be pro-drinking on this forum, but ok =/
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