Im getting so desperate. Im bribing my mum later on when we are out to get me alcohol. I need to get drunk and end this. I was so close three nights ago. So fucking close. I need to do it again. Need to drink and drink and drink and drink until I cant drink nomore and then go to the train station... the rest writes itself... Im shaking and shivering and crying. Its out of control. I cant stop myself. Ive never been so out of control. I cant control it. Its out of my hands. Tonight I die.