Desperate outreach

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GammaRae, Feb 20, 2010.

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  1. GammaRae

    GammaRae Active Member

    I am dead inside and tonight I may be dying on the outside too. I have fallen so deeply into this hole that when I look up I can no longer see any light. I joined this forum a year ago and only posted a few times. I suppose I'm posting here again now because.. I have no one to talk to and nowhere to go. This sadness and loneliness I feel is cold an stabbing. I cannot see forcing myself to waste the resources of those around me just so that I can continue to barely exist.. in misery.

    I cut myself earlier. Sometime this makes me feel better, tonight it did not. I don't know what to do.. I am so so very sad and cold and empty feeling. I just want peace. I want to feel what happiness is like. It has been so long that I've forgotten. I have lost hope for that though.. I just want this to end.

    I justed wanted to put some words somewhere... to sort out my thoughts I suppose.. to express myself or whatever. I feel so helpless. I want to die. I really, really do. What can I possibly have left to hope for? There is no one around me that I would hurt....

    I want to quite.. I'm so so very tired. I'm exhausted and every bit of me aches. I am drained.

    If anyone's out there..... I'd appreciate a couple words maybe.. anything. Is there anything left that could ease this? That could make me feel better? I don't know if I will survive until the morning.
     
  2. xToxThexGravex

    xToxThexGravex Well-Known Member

    Just keep posting. We're here to help you.
     
  3. GammaRae

    GammaRae Active Member

    Thanks for replying.. I know what to say I pretty much haven't moved in over 24hrs. I have no motivation to do anything. Ironically, my deep deppression is what has been keeping me alive so long. I've been too down to have the energy or motivation to do anything.. but tonight feels different.. like it should be final. I hate everything. I don't know what to do. I can't describe how I'm feeling, I feel terrified, I feel hopeless and I feel so so so very broken and sad...

    I hate this. I'm so alone.. I shouldn't have to do this anymore. They say suicide is selfish but how can anyone want me to keep enduring this and living through this if THEY aren't the selfish ones..

    I'm so close.. I'm contemplating. I chose a method, I wrote a note.. I'm just afraid to finish.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to sleep for awhile get out the pain your in You need to call crisis line talk to a real voice who can help you Call your hospital or go there and tell them you are suicidal and need help to be kept safe. The sadness depression needs to be looked at put into therapy and some meds Depression is treatable it just take time to treat it. Go get help now okay do it now
     
  5. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you are not alone, my friend. i am only 30 minutes away if you need anything.
     
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