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Desperate, sad and confused.

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I don't understand it. Over this past year my friends, many of whom I've known my entire life, have started treating my like I'm a leper. They never call me, when I call they don't answer and when I actually somehow get a chance to speak to them they lie about what they're doing so I won't tag along. When I've actually talked to them about this they just pretend like they don't see what they're doing and that everything is normal and I'm overreacting.
But it's just not them. All the people I meet at facebook they just stop talking to me eventually. Everyone of them.

The worst part of it is that I don't know what have happened. I have really, really tried to examine myself and se what it is I'm doing wrong. But I can't find anything. If I saw the problem I could fix it. But what am I supposed to do when I have to fix something I can't find?

Nowdays I just lie in bed. Sometimes I tell my parents (I still live at home) I'm going out with friends when I'm actually just wandering the streets. I don't want them to know my situation.

Humans are social beings. How am I supposed to survive if I'm not allowed the social aspect my life so desperately needs? I can't for the life of me figure out what I am doing wrong?! A few years ago I had a very rich social life and was liked by many. Now I'm just trash.
And think I was suicidal already before this happened.. I really, really want to end it. I want the nothingness that I believe death brings. This sadness isn't passing, this is a chronic illness. I feel like I'm stuck in the worst possible place. I can't live, but I'm too scared to kill myself.

Sorry if this is the wrong place but I had to get this out. To someone. Since no one else will listen to me. Listen to the tide of my soul drowning my nights and flooding my days.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi hun you do sound so sad hun so alone. You know you can pm me anytime if you just want some to talk to Can you join a new activity a new class of interest even to get you out among new people. Meet new friends okay art class sport activity ect time to move forward okay join something that will bring some joy to you and meet people with the same interest hugs
this is exactly the right place to talk about how you feel, so please don't worry about that

a therapist might be able to help you sort out what is going on in your life

it could be that people have distanced themselves from you because you have been feeling suicidal.

the way the world should work is that when someone is feeling bad or needs help, people come to help them and are nice to them.

all too often though, people don't want to help out or don't know how to deal with people, even friends they have known for a long time, when they are having trouble

I think that the values of society often encourage people to be superficial, and people don't have the maturity to confront difficult issues

now it could be that the social distance is happening for other reasons, but this could be why

I think that you can get better if you try some treatment methods. in the long run, you may find better friends than the ones you have now

hope that things can get better soon!
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