Yes, I'm outright using the word desperate because, well..that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I've been spiraling downhill so damn fast, it's a little surprising to me. I've dealt with the bullshit that is depression (self harm and suicide attempts included) for 12 years. It does come and go, but when it's here it puts up a hell of a fight. A fight I can no longer win. I have come to the conclusion that I truly was meant to off myself, that I was meant to die at a relatively young age. I believe I have finally perfected a plan which will allow me to succeed, in addition to causing the least amount of worry for any loved ones I may have left. Now just to find the courage and determination to start the process. I really don't wish to live anymore as all of the things I once wished and hoped for are no longer possible (meaning marriage, children, a career.."normal" things in life). I pray for relief soon, a sense of freedom..no more worry. I also hope that each member here finds health, happiness, and love inthe near future. Take care of and love yourselves and one another.