I'm a woman in early seventies and I've suffered from depression since my 20's and made my first suicide attempt when I was 12 and have made 2 since then. Compounding my problems is my physical health which has been bad for some years and is now out of control. I have arthritis, asthma, lymphoedoema in my legs and my left breast and arm, my spinal discs are crumbling and am sometimes in so much pain I need morphine. I now have heart problems although the exact problem hasn't been diagnosed yet as I haven't seen the specialist but I have fluid retention which is affecting my lungs and I can scarcely breathe at times. The diuretic I was given really helped for the first week but now seems to have stopped working and my doc is reluctant to prescribe higher dose as I have kidney problems. All my life I've been terrified of suffocation, it's a real fear of mine and now it seems to be happening. I can't lay down, I can't sleep and sometimes I'm struggling to breathe even sitting upright. I had a terrible panic attack last night and this morning I was hysterical and I feel I can't go on. I've held my depression at bay for some months despite my illnesses but now it's overcome me. I can't live the rest of my life like this, not being able to breathe. I can't even cry properly because of the breathing. What's the point of going on with life if I can't do anything. Can't even walk into the garden to enjoy the sun. I feel so desperate and such a waste of space. I'm trapped and I want to get out. I'm so tired I keep praying I will drop of to sleep and then die as some people do.