I am feeling really desperate. Things are imploding and I have no control over anything. Tonight I got pretty far in my planning. I don't think I'm breaking the rules by saying this as I am not referencing a specific method, but I got to the airport (my plan necessitates travel) and started to cry before I could buy a ticket. I called my boyfriend because I wanted him to know how much I care about him before I go. He could tell something was wrong and got freaked out and I finally told him I was at the airport. He got really mad, and said he doesn't understand why I feel I have to do this, and he is dealing with a lot in his life. He was really frustrated at me and said he doesn't know what to say anymore. He did come to the airport to get me and took me back to his house and says he isn't mad anymore but I don't believe him. I feel bad for frustrating him, but mostly I just feel like I really need to get out of my life. I just can't take it anymore. I don't really want to die and I am scared but I don't see any other way out. I wish I didn't have to do this but I know I do.
Desperate
- Thread starter Lisa83
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Hi Lisa,
I am sorry you are this desperate and feeling so bad at the moment. Can you tell me some more about the things that are out of your control?
My original plan used travel as the first step just to carry out my method at a different location, but I eventually stopped caring about that. It is good you have travel as part of your plan as it gives you a little more time to think things through. Can you share more about what has been going on for you?
Keep safe and I hope you can reply soon.
I am sorry you are this desperate and feeling so bad at the moment. Can you tell me some more about the things that are out of your control?
My original plan used travel as the first step just to carry out my method at a different location, but I eventually stopped caring about that. It is good you have travel as part of your plan as it gives you a little more time to think things through. Can you share more about what has been going on for you?
Keep safe and I hope you can reply soon.
I'm so sorry to hear you are that desperate hun. 
s you*
What is going on that has you going to those extremes?
Like Deety said, it's a 'positive' at least that you require travel, it gives you a chance to rethink it. And I'm happy to hear you called your boyfriend and he came to get you.
I don't think he's mad at you per se. I think he's very hurt that the person he loves so much is going through so much hurt and has these thoughts. He doesn't want to lose you!
Are you getting any professional help to deal with all of this? If not I will strongly advice you to go to your doctor, and if you are, call your therapist or psychiatrist and tell them exactly what you feel and how far you went this time.
Personally a thing that helps me is my boyfriend. It's not always easy but I use him in my recovery. I want to live for his sake (in the end I have to learn to live for myself... but so far this helps a lot)
Your boyfriend clearly cares a lot about you hun.
Take care of yourself and reach out for help. You deserve to take care of yourself!
s you*What is going on that has you going to those extremes?
Like Deety said, it's a 'positive' at least that you require travel, it gives you a chance to rethink it. And I'm happy to hear you called your boyfriend and he came to get you.
I don't think he's mad at you per se. I think he's very hurt that the person he loves so much is going through so much hurt and has these thoughts. He doesn't want to lose you!
Are you getting any professional help to deal with all of this? If not I will strongly advice you to go to your doctor, and if you are, call your therapist or psychiatrist and tell them exactly what you feel and how far you went this time.
Personally a thing that helps me is my boyfriend. It's not always easy but I use him in my recovery. I want to live for his sake (in the end I have to learn to live for myself... but so far this helps a lot)
Your boyfriend clearly cares a lot about you hun.
Take care of yourself and reach out for help. You deserve to take care of yourself!
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