I am feeling really desperate. Things are imploding and I have no control over anything. Tonight I got pretty far in my planning. I don't think I'm breaking the rules by saying this as I am not referencing a specific method, but I got to the airport (my plan necessitates travel) and started to cry before I could buy a ticket. I called my boyfriend because I wanted him to know how much I care about him before I go. He could tell something was wrong and got freaked out and I finally told him I was at the airport. He got really mad, and said he doesn't understand why I feel I have to do this, and he is dealing with a lot in his life. He was really frustrated at me and said he doesn't know what to say anymore. He did come to the airport to get me and took me back to his house and says he isn't mad anymore but I don't believe him. I feel bad for frustrating him, but mostly I just feel like I really need to get out of my life. I just can't take it anymore. I don't really want to die and I am scared but I don't see any other way out. I wish I didn't have to do this but I know I do.