first of all i want to say to the administrators of this site that it's unacceptable how difficult it is to login. i had confirmed my info through my email, yet when i had finished creating my post it refused, absolutely REFUSED, to log me in for a good 30 mins. not helpful given the situation. anyway, i'm wondering if anyone out there can give me any good reasons to live. seriously, i can't think of any besides my 65 yr old widower father who's raised me since the age of 9 when my mother died. i realize this is horribly, horribly selfish, but i'm actually beginning to resent him b/c i feel that he is the only thing holding me back from offing myself, and at this point that's just not enough. i am completely hopeless and have no reason to live besides his feelings though i know in my heart he will be better off without me. i'm absolutely disgusted by myself and my weakness. the fact of the matter is, i desperately love my best freidn since 7th grade, but she does not love me. this situation has made re-evaluate many aspects of life in general and i realize that the only genuine love one can have is from a friend and most ppl including her find this strange and she will never love me. not only am i disgusted with myself for this weakness but i realize that i will not be able to take romantic relationships serioulsy given these realizations and the knowledge that i either have to cut her out of my life or tell her exactly how i feel and risk losing her make me feel sick to my stomach. i can't sleep (haven't gotten more than 2 hrs in god knwos how long) and have to force myself to eat. i don't know what to do. the only think that makes me feel better is cutting myself in hopes that i'll cut an artery or punching walls. i'm desperate. sorry for typos but i'm typing fast in hopes that it won't log me out and make me go through the goddam login process again.