This is my first post on here. Guess i just wanted to pour my heart out to anybody who'd listen. Have suffered from depression for nearly 20 years but things have got alot worse recently. I attempted suicide 2 weeks ago and ended up in hospital. To be honest things havent got much better since then. I feel guilty coz i have kids but i often wonder if they'd be better off without me around. I've been ill recently with a stomach problem that the doctors cant explain as a result of that i lost my job through having so much time off sick. My husband and i barely speak to each other and we are on the verge of breaking up. I have no money coz the benefit system have messed up and basically i feel like crap. I just cant see another way out at the moment, i cry 24 7 and thats not fair on my kids. Im addicted to sleeping pills and cant get any sleep without them. I do have an appointment with a pshyciatrist on august 31st but dont know if i can hold on that long. Thought about suicide again today. Think imanaged to pull myself out of it but i dont trust myself. Its almost like someone else has taken over my body and i have no control over it.