20cl of vodka is what it takes to reduce me to nothing. It doesn't mean anything that I am meant to be moving in three weeks. It hurts so much that this is how my life is. I am just like my fucking father. Everyone has always told me that. I probably hate myself just as much as he hates me. I didn't deserve all the shit he done to me though. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask for any of this shit. I am so sick and tired of being scared. Fed up with living with the memories of being repeatedly raped. Sick to death of putting on a happy face and pretending I can cope with whatever life throws at me. I can't. I've got nothing left. After 20 years of being alive - I am done. It's so exhausting putting on a front. I really don't think the majority of people in this world know just how evil this place can be, and the amount of pain that taking another breath can cause. Yes, of course, you see all these horror stories on the news, but you can't directly relate to it, so you're still emotionally detached. But what if everything you see, makes you sick to your stomach because you cannot believe how cruel some people can be to perfectly innocent angels. How did society end up this way? Why do so many people have to suffer for no good reason? It isn't fair and it isn't right. It hurts me so much to think of all the people who are hurting and no-one cares. That feeling of being totally alone... Oh God. How did it end up like this? I need help before it's too late.