desperate

[mdmefontaine]

hi. i feel guilty posting. i know everyone has problems, and why should mine matter more than anyone else's?

my husband has told me to sleep in another room. he is 'done' with me. i went thru immigration to leave my country ( i liked me country, u.s. fine. i left there to be with him, in canada. ) because i loved him. well. my kids did NOT like it here. they ended up moving back w/their dad. :sad: a huge crushing blow for me. i only knew for sure in june that they'd not be living with me, period.

i have tried to adjust to it - but i have been depressed (they are 11 and 16 and i have been a hands-on stay-at-home mom. and they are the joys of my life.) i was so hurt that they weren't with me but their dad and i wanted the best for them! we tried to be good parents! and let them choose!

so my new husband - well he tells me about 4 weeks ago, he is 'unhappy'. and now , . . . 2 days before our first counseling session as a couple - he tells me he is DONE. over. tells me NOT to sleep upstairs in our bed, the bed that he made for me. w/his hands. . . no more chances. and likely he'll never let me come back.

i gave up everything. even my kids. and he says that i am ''a bad person''' that i was not acting any certain way b/c of stress or depression (over my kids moving) he just thinks i don't love him! because i was irritable at times (please note. since i am makiing this a long one - there was never any cheating, no substance abuse, no abuse period. . . . i am a good wife, good mother but i DO ADMIT i have been hard to live with - during this past year that the kids moved.

i am at the end of my rope. i am now thinking of how to do it. to make it look accidental - cause i don't want to hurt my kids . i am going to wait at least until the thurs counseling session - cause i just want to se what he says. i cannot take this kind of pain. he was/ is the love of my life. i just can't bear this. i am so hurt. i have no one to talk to

 

[mdmefontaine]

hey. i am so pathetic i am replying to my own post. ouch.

well. just can't fathom it. how is it. that i have not died yet - from the sheer pain of it

fuck . i am old. 45. wow . who would want me. ? surely not the man i am in love with. what a fucking loser i am.
geez. it is humiliating. i resorted to dropping to my knees and begging him. it pissed him off. wtf. whatever.

 

[andyc68]

wow hun, you have been thru alot, this is a very hard time for you and to be honest it sounds like your hubby hasn't understood how much it hurts to be torn apart from your kids, i expect he has none of his own or he is selfish.
i can tell you still love this man but it looks one sided so now you have to put yourself first.
first thing to remember is that even if you make it look like an accident it is still going to hurt your kids, they deserve such a loving mum in their lives to look out for them in their own journey thru life.
so please reconsider any acts that will take you away from them.

there are other ways for you, at the moment you are very emotional and your reaction shows this, but take a step back from this and look to give yourself time to think.
you can always move back to the US and start again, be closer to your kids and forget this man who obviously doesnt deserve you.

and 45 isnt too old to start again, if it was i would be in trouble and i refuse to believe that.

be strong

 

[Dave_N]

Hi Terri. I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain right now and that your husband is being such a jerk. Also, you're not too old hun. You're only 45 and you still have many years ahead of you. I agree that going to the marriage counseling would be a good idea. I just hope that your husband agrees to go too. If your marriage is truly over, then maybe you should move back to the USA so that you can see your kids again? Now that Obama is the president, things should start improving down there. Please don't give up hun. :hug:

 

[Synesthetic Soul]

Oh sweetie! :hug: You're such a nice and sweet person. I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this! Be strong! For your kids. It wouldn't be fair for them to lose their mother at such a young age.

Your husband sounds insecure, maybe the sessions will help. You both need to talk it out and what's going on needs to be understood.

But please, don't leave us! I love you so much, you're so sweet! :hug: Hang in there!

 

[mdmefontaine]

everyone here is so nice....each and every comment helps. all of you are helping me feel better. i just cannot ever thank you enough. i could never explain how i feel about all of you. . . . .

 

[Sam2009]

I just want to add that at 45 you are not too old. I don't know what will happen with your husband, but if the worst does happen, please don't give up hope. My mum split with my dad after 26 years of marriage, she then spent 2 years dating occasionally, then 3 years ago met a guy who she fell for straight away. They now have bought a house together and act like a couple of teenagers in the first flush of love. My mum is now 51. I know that she is so much happier now than she was with my dad, as far back as I can remember anyway. There is hope, and you sound like the sort of person that any man would be lucky to have. Your reply to my first message helped enormously, and I just hope that you can find the strength to go on.

 

[Dave_N]

everyone here is so nice....each and every comment helps. all of you are helping me feel better. i just cannot ever thank you enough. i could never explain how i feel about all of you. . . . .

I am glad that we were able to help. There is an Antiquities forum here on SF which is designed for people over 30, in case if you want to talk to some of the older members on SF. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better. :hug:

 

[PaleGhostGirl]

Although I've always remained single and do not know what it's like to be married or have children, I agree with every reply-er here. Please do keep your children in mind. They need you now as they will still need you throughout their lives.

It sounds like you deserve so much better than the way this man is treating you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. But as the others have said, there is a possibility of returning to the US and NEW opportunities and experiences can STILL be yours at 45! My mother was in her late 60s when she married her 2nd husband!

Much hope, love and hugs to you!