I have not been on here for a while and for that I am sorry. Just wanted, needed to say that I think the time to check out is really here. I just cant take this pain anymore. The pain and despair is so acute, suicide is the only only way out. I am a bit scared too but I have to have the guts to just do it and stop hesitating like I have for so many weeks. If I could I would go now (dont want to do it at home) but I will wait and make plans in the morning. I am due to see my counsellor on monday and my GP but I dont think I can wait till then - better just to do it and opt out of this pain. Want to say thank you for the support I have had on here. you are all great. It is the only way. I know that I should ask for help, go to the hospital, do something but I am so tired with it all. Just dont want to go on any longer.