Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by allycat, Apr 25, 2011.

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  1. allycat

    allycat New Member

    I am a 22-year-old female and I have suffered from depression for a few years now. However these last 12 months for me have been torment.

    I often think about how much easier it would be to commit suicide, I would no longer have to worry about university, my family, my life. I wouldn't have to deal with the agony that I face each day.

    I have spoken quite openly to my parents about my desire to prematurely end my life. I guess they are sort of desensitised to the 'shock' factor that comes with it. I get frustrated when my parents or ignorant friends say "life will get better you have to hang in there" or "see a doctor". What I wish they'd grasp is that if one has tried everything, extensively for 12 months to no avail. What then?

    Why is it so selfish for me, to wonder, to nurture the idea of ending my life? For that way, I could regain control. And quite frankly... after all these years of numbness, of feeling no warmth and seeing no colour, I don't even have the desire to fight for a future. If some one gave me 2 options one; immediately terminating my life or two; giving me strength to fight for another 5, Id choose option one.

    Anyway I guess what I am trying to say is, I am so close to doing it, its all i think about, it provides with some solace, knowing that i have some power in my life. I am still a little bit scared to do it, I don't know why.

    I wish God kept to his word, cause i've been faithful and trusting and God's meant to provide according to his will and give abundant life. I have waited 22 years and still.... nothing.
  2. the_only_one

    the_only_one Well-Known Member

    its hard but it gets better. im 16 and i used to be religious.its too hard for me to believe anymore

    but go to the doctor and get meds. they do wonders and ull be happier than ever. just trust me on this one
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your title says so much i think you need to call your doctor okay please and get somehelp for YOu okay. Get on meds that will take the sadness away the anxiety away You can be happy you can heal please reach out for some help hugs
  4. jordan.

    jordan. Member

    I talked to one of my friends about these same feelings.

    He said, "Give it more time."

    I said, "I've given it 16 years."

    "Please... give it 16 more."

    I don't know why that hit me so hard, but... that's always stuck with me.
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