I am a 22-year-old female and I have suffered from depression for a few years now. However these last 12 months for me have been torment. I often think about how much easier it would be to commit suicide, I would no longer have to worry about university, my family, my life. I wouldn't have to deal with the agony that I face each day. I have spoken quite openly to my parents about my desire to prematurely end my life. I guess they are sort of desensitised to the 'shock' factor that comes with it. I get frustrated when my parents or ignorant friends say "life will get better you have to hang in there" or "see a doctor". What I wish they'd grasp is that if one has tried everything, extensively for 12 months to no avail. What then? Why is it so selfish for me, to wonder, to nurture the idea of ending my life? For that way, I could regain control. And quite frankly... after all these years of numbness, of feeling no warmth and seeing no colour, I don't even have the desire to fight for a future. If some one gave me 2 options one; immediately terminating my life or two; giving me strength to fight for another 5, Id choose option one. Anyway I guess what I am trying to say is, I am so close to doing it, its all i think about, it provides with some solace, knowing that i have some power in my life. I am still a little bit scared to do it, I don't know why. I wish God kept to his word, cause i've been faithful and trusting and God's meant to provide according to his will and give abundant life. I have waited 22 years and still.... nothing.