Desperately in need of help and support I'm 25 and I’m desperately in need of help. For whatever reason I feel much more comfortable talking about my numerous problems via the internet than via phone. I’m genuinely need of some help so if anyone can think of an internet forum where I can speak to a professional who may be better qualified to deal with my problems than the membership of this community please post me a link. *sigh* I’m not really sure where to start with all of this so I feel the best thing is to post all the relevant parts of my history up to and including my present situation. From what I remember from my early years I had a relatively happy early childhood although my father was absent for the majority of the first 11 years as he we worked abroad. At age of eight or nine I was sexually abused on a number of different occasions by a teacher, I was terrified of the teacher and never told anyone. In addition to this I was also ‘bullied’ by the teacher verbally and physically. The teacher told me her treatment of me was due to my ethnicity. From the age of about 10 – 13 I was an awful child and took out my frustrations on other children bullying them verbally and occasionally physically by beating them up. I eventually began to become more adjusted and by the age of about 14 I was outwardly just like any other child although inwardly I still lived with the shame and pain of what I had been through. Although I was no longer aggressive to other people I found it difficult to from meaningful relationships with anyone and pretty much just relied on my looks to get me attention and affection from girls. When I went to university at age 18 I formed my first meaningful relationship and had the first girlfriend I ever really loved. It was the first time I had genuinely been happy since early childhood. The relationship lasted 3 years but unfortunately the relationship ended under very messy circumstances and I once again felt the same isolation and misery I had felt as an adolescent. I made a somewhat half hearted and bizarre suicide attempt by taking about XXXXXX tablets. Obviously this failed to kill me. Unable to live with what I had attempted to do I told my mother in a letter. My mother reacted extremely badly to the letter and was in a state of despair. My father did not understand (although in fairness to him he did at least attempt to be understanding) but was angry toward me due to the pain my actions had caused my family. Shortly after my mother developed Alzheimer’s disease, she was told by the Doctor that the shock of what I had done had been a contributing factor. My father blamed my mother’s illness on me. We had a massive argument and since this time I have been estranged from my family. Still suffering from extreme depression due to the afore mentioned issues I moved to London to start a new life. I worked as a volunteer in the media department of a mental health charity which gave me some meaning and then I worked as a fundraiser for a children’s charity. This also provided me with some meaning and after about 3 years of charity work + some medication, my depression began to lift. However I still very down and had many daemons to exercise, I was still very far from being ‘myself’. I still found it hard to interact and relate to other people and had literally no friends. I began to make some friends and I was happy. I met a young Iranian teacher who I fell in love with more or less instantly and we started a relationship. I felt thatFor the first time since my s the nightmare of the last 4 years was finally over. Then I came back down to earth with a bump. The teacher I was dating told me she did not want a relationship with me. I heard through the grape vine this was because she was seeing someone else. I was determined not to return to the misery of the last 4 years again so I took an overdose. This time I took over <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. I obviously did not die but ended up in Hospital. After being treated in Hospital for a while I was sectioned under the mental health act and taken to a mental health word for observation. I was released after two weeks and returned to work. The next few months was a very difficult time for me and by behaviour was unusual to say the least. I began sleeping with many women and behaving in an unprofessional manner at work. This included things like having blazing rows with colleagues, sleeping in the office over night and refusing to attend meetings etc. However after about three months or so I began to return to normal. and by about Jan/Feb I was in a stable frame of mind. In May of this year I was called into my line managers office where she explained to me a sixth form pupil had made an allegation against me about an incident that had happened in December. The allegation is regarding something I am alleged to have said to the pupil which could be construed as sexual harassment. (incidentally I strongly contest the allegation) Anyway I am currently suspended from work pending the investigation. I am not allowed contact with colleagues, I have no other friends and I still have no contact with my family. In short I have absolutely no support network. If I am found guilty, and I am told by my union rep this is likely, I will never be able to teach again and everything that provides me with meaning will have gone. I simply cannot face life with no family and without my job. Please tell me what you think I should do, I suppose I should mention this is by no means the whole story, I find it difficult to go into depth about the pain and shame that I’m feeling as its simply to painful. I’ve also missed out huge chunks of my story that are no less painful that what I have described above but not entirely relevant to what I’m facing at the moment.