So months ago, my husband lost his job because of medical issues that were affecting his work performance. He's been looking for a job since, but to no avail. He's currently waiting to hear back from several places. But as time has gone on, we are getting more ad more behind. We both have medical bills that we can't pay right now. We have gotten behind on not so important bills, like the internet. I had to make the sad choice of whether to pay for my meds or bills this month. Because my insurance upped the copays for prescriptions, so that's hurt me. But due to them changing policy and FORCING me to so mail order, I've also been out of both my antidepressant and mood stabilizer for over a month now. We don't have the money for them, but I chose to pay for these instead of paying for our gas and electric bills this month. I'm currently waiting for them to come in the mail. But I'm so scares and worried about bills. I am trying to keep caught up on everything, but it's not working. If he doesn't get a job soon, I honestly don't know how we are going to be a me to scrap by much longer. Granted, now I won't have to pay for meds for another 3 months, since I have to do mail order now. But we're barely managing to pay our bills. Now, the gas, trash, and electric are going to be behind. I get paid next week, but I have to pay rent, car insurance, and my phone. And I need to keep my phone on because it's the only phone we have. His is off because we can't afford to pay for two phones atm. And if we don't have any phone at all, he can't get a hold of possible employers and we can't get a hold of anyone else for anything else. And then after paying those three, were gonna be broke. I'm how well pay for food, unless we borrow some money from someone. But then the next paycheck, I have to get caught up on the gas, trash, electric, and water. And so Idk if I'll be able to pay anyone back for any borrowed money. Sorry that I'm rambling. I'm just totally freaking the fuck out now. It doesn't help that I've been out of my meds for weeks, either. I can't wait to have them n because they help keep me a lot calmer. But idk how we can manage this anymore. I'm so stressed out all the time anymore. I can barely focus on doing my job. My stomach is always in knots. I am constantly snapping at people. All I want to ever do anymore is sleep. I really can't focus on work because my mental health is in shambles, but I can't afford to take any time off for my mental health because then we won't be able to pay any bills and will get kicked out of our apartment. I just hate this. I hate that I'm having to choose between paying utility bills and paying for my meds. But if I don't get my meds soon, I might not be able to work at all because I'm afraid that I might try to off myself. I was suicidal before getting on my meds. Now, I'm starting to feel rhat desperation again. I just hate this. And I kind of hate my husband for putting me through this, even though it's not entirely his fault. But I really wish he had a job already. We can't afford him not having one. I really hope that he gets something asap. Because if he doesnt, I fear for my mental and physical wellbeing. I can't keep doing this. I hate worrying about money 24-7.