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Desperatley seeking Purpose

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by noshadow, Aug 6, 2008.

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  1. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    over 100 resumes sent out, over 100 eyes reviewing it, a few calls, interviews...And they turn out to be agencies that place people in jobs. As I walk out of their offices leaving their "I'll call you when a psition opens" line still in their office.

    Now home, no job, giving up with NO purpose.
    No reason for waking, no reason to sleep. Sick of the hole "don't give up" bullshit. "Put one foot in front of the other", I'd like to strangle the fucker that came up with that line.
    Haven't written new music or played any shows. Really don't know why I am here...does ANYONE??

    What do you do when there are NO SOLUTIONS at all? Not death, not the continuance of life, not the prospect of "trying harder", not therapy, not music. What do you do when there's just nothing for you????
    I don't want to hear how there's something for everyone, because that's not true. Some people just have NO PLACE in this world.
    Maybe God DOES make mistakes.....I said MAYBE. I believe I was totally misplaced, and now I'm just fucked and pissed off. I just wanted to be somebody...I wanted to be "good enough", I wanted to make SOMEONE proud to be in my company. I don't want to be the last they choose for kickball anymore.
    I'm in a pergatory of my own making, and I didn't even notice what I was building. And I sit now surrounded by four green walls with the company of a sleeping cat, and One Less Reason playing on the stereo behind me.
    It's like being stuck in the woods, and the nearest gas station and phone is more than a million miles away. I totally prefer the hallway I was in, looking for open doors.

    The thinking, the contemplating, the thinking. ALL DAY LONG, day after day. Still...No purpose. No reason. Perhaps I'm reading the wrong book?? Picked up the wrong magazine?? There is no answer for any of this, is there...? Now only if the questioning would cease....would give up as I come soo close to doing the same. But since there are no solutions, I'm not sure what giving up would look like......
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Finding purpose is tough. I also play music, but I get discouraged often. And looking for work usually I just feel like, why am I doing this? For what? What is this all for?
    I personally think that there is no purpose or meaning, but that to accept that is freeing.
    Good luck finding work. Hope you find something you might enjoy :hug:
  3. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    same here. i dont want to do more college cuase i think it will be the same still no jobs. everbody shutting me out. i havce a crappy peon slave job i hate. i want to kill myself rather than go back there friday. screw it all. they want to exploit and abuse me like this they can clean up my cold dead corpse.

    i dont kno how everyting is for u but i know i must leave soon.
  4. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    watever u do dont get a sucky job like me it will make u want to die. i was forced to get a suckjob even though i didnt want to. should have just killed myself then and there
  5. onemoreday

    onemoreday New Member

    i know what you mean man.

    i'm in the same boat. i feel like i'd be polluting the gene pool by continuing to breed and just spreading misery wherever i go now.

    people say i have a great sense of humour...yeh well doesnt mean much.

    i really hope you find something to hold on to. i'm just breathing right now, in a state of suspension.

    maybe things will improve, they always have before.

    i'm not gonna drop any cliche ridden bullshit sentences. do what you can to keep your mind from dropping out of reality and don't accept defeat.

    trouble for me is, i don't consider this a competition. i'm not beaten just tired of it all, i feel like 100 years old, nothing matters, i've seen it all and can see the future unfolding....

    i dunno....
  6. Xenta

    Xenta Well-Known Member

    I used to feel the same way you all feel Then one day I woke up and thought to my self "Maybe there is no place for me in this world." Oddly enough that helped me, I basically said fuck the world if I don't fit in that's to bad for them. I have since been much more happier in my life I no longer try to fit in or find my place in the world, I make that place for my self. I don't know if this helps but that just the way I feel.

    As for what I do when I feel that all is lost, I started to do some meditations that help me calm down and find some sort of inner peace. Also it tends to help me work though problems in my life, and find solution's for some of them.

  7. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I think everyone has a purpose, it can take a while to figure out what it is. But if you're good at something that's a reason to carry on, because one day, though it might seem unbelievable now, you will be able to make something of that talent. :hug: stay strong
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