I've been sick for like the past week. Had to come to school because of a fucking test. I feel like shit. People make it way too hard to get help unless you're suicidal. They have ridiculous rules all because they want money. I never got my medicine because I wasn't able to get seen, and won't be until fuck knows when. I still have 7 ativan left, but I can't use them in case I need them later. I've felt like crying since I woke up this morning (its been like 3 hours now), still do, and am currently. I feel like something bad is going to happen every time I go to school and I'm alone for a long time. I get scared of the future...no specific time frame; it could be a day from now, a week or a year, I don't know which, but I'm scared. If these assholes want me to get suicidal before they help me, I just might at this rate. My fiance's mom is dying. I can't die and have him lose me too. But I'm afraid of him hurting me. Of other people/things hurting me, too. Being that I'm mentally disabled, I filed for medical insurance a while ago. If they don't give it to me, I might just give up. Why should I keep trying if no one wants to help me? I don't just have mental conditions, I have a physical one too that needs immediate attention, yet I haven't been able to go to the doctor for 3 months. So if I'm still not able to because of that in a few weeks, maybe I should do it. I don't know what else to do. It's either that, or wait for my condition to get worse and kill me anyway. I so don't enjoy life. I only go to school 3 days a week but it feels like a lot more than that because I never enjoy my time off from it. I can't do this shit. I might leave class after my test. I just don't care to stick around...anywhere, really. Not just in class.