Seriously I really don't know why I post here anymore, but I feel like I have to get this out, it's eating at me, spreading through my body like a cancer. I have never felt so low, only one time previously. I am despised by so many people, I used to think it was just them, but it's the truth that I can never be, so everyone needs to just forget me. I know you guys hate me like a criminal that just killed everyone you love, a criminal that needs to be put to death. I used to think I have friends, but it all came so clearly over the past few months of being out of high school, That the only people that even acknowledged my existence, were just three people, even those three people, I can't even consider a "friend" Friends can talk to each other without judging, thus the reason they cannot be a friend. But I could not even find love for anyone tell just this past month, but I ruined everything, I really am a hypocrite. I suppose this answers the nature vs nurture question, I grew up with assholes, I grew up with hate, no I must infect everyone I come into contact with. This past week tho I had 2 people I never met in real life, but I did consider them friends, for the first time in my life I knew what love was, but I ruined everything! I truly am Despised! I don't love my mom either, she is a selfish person, she is in the hospital with cancer, and that is her deathbed, I don't care tho, I am never going to visit her, I am never going to go to her funeral. I have never felt so down, I pray I can swim, just so I wont drown, everything around me is pulling me under! It a weight taking me to the bottom of the ocean! I am gasping for air, no one sees me, it's only a matter of time now. I can't get close to anyone without this happening, I hate everything about me, it's really sad I can't remember any of my dreams, yet the only dream I can remember is horrible! I hate this life, I do the same thing over and over and over! It's boring life is just so bleak! Hope is a anomaly to me! Everything is so unattainable, everything is just out of reach, so I can't grasp it! Some people are just meant to not have friends, or experience joy. I am not religious at all, but I hope I burn in hell! I need to be far away from everyone that is good in humanity. Everyone says I waste my talents, I believe them now, I am a waste of a person, people where I'm from don't go anywhere with there lives, you see the same people that graduated years ago, I am going to be part of that statistic. I can't even behave on a forum that is meant for people with problems, everything is do is full of hate, I truly am DESPISED!