Before I was afraid, now I'm sure this is what I want to do. Killing myself will be the only alleviator of my torment. Nothing will take away my self-doubt, nothing. I wanted to at least lose my virginity before I die, now I know my social anxiety and completely destructive self-esteem makes that impossible. But oh well, nothing I ever want will happen in my life, so there's no use dwelling on that. I've come to realize there are lives worth living, and those that aren't. Mine isn't, it's beyond pathetic. At least I'm accepting of my fate, I'm not meant to have friends, experience love, or find inner peace. I just want out, nothing in my life brings me pleasure, everything brings with it a downing of my already retarded self-esteem. I already know how I'm going to end it. I just feel so frustrated that I couldn't change my life, and that I'll never get a second chance, and right now this very second, a lot of people are living life the way they should. Life is beyond unfair.