did amnesia

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by TBear, May 8, 2011.

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  1. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    I try to be positive and not let this stuff get to me....

    But I am so frustrated... - I have put the walls up between the pieces of who I am again... sometimes I remember stuff - sometimes I don't... the hauntings of past abuses and triggers are constant

    Today my kids were insisting that I watched a movie with them awhile back - I have NO recollection of it - these things happen all the time - the only way I keep up with my family stuff and my job - is thru writing myself notes - but when it comes to other pieces.... I find clothes I don't remember buying - things done I don't remember doing.....

    So not fair to my children - but I am all they have.... I got them out of the abuse, but I feel so disfunctional... hate myself

    That doesn't help though, this is the way I survived - disconnected when I was just too young to take what happened to me..... G-d I hate life... but I don't, I just want to have a normal life and be cared for - just for awhile - fat chance.....

    and always the arguments in my head - gives me such headaches......

    feeling so scattered - want an escape from the pain
     
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Have you seen a psychiatrist?

    You don't need to feel lost. I don't know how to help, but I'm sure it's out there.
     
  3. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    My T now is a specialist in this - the goal is to unify the parts of me in such a way that I don't fall to pieces (literally) when triggered or stressed....

    Medicine can't help because it effects me differently depending on what mindset I am in - For example, sometimes I need glasses - sometimes I don't.... but I can take my glasses off when I switch -

    The only medicine suggested tentatively is to help sleep thus reducing stress... and hopefully counteracting the nightly flashbacks and panic...

    My therapist says the only way out of the pain is straight through - accepting the parts which means accepting the pain of the past ...then I will be able to "fuse" the pieces and then I will quit having the amnesia...etc -

    But I have to take it slowly or I will not be able to take it and keep functioning at my job and for my kids....so I remain SO FRUSTRATED!!!

    It is so hard - terrifying - hurts and makes me want to harm myself....
     
  4. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    This post has scared me.i was in work and I heard the guys saying I dont need the glasses.
    One them asked me to take them off.but I have had bad eyesight since I blocked out the abuse
     
  5. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Don't want to scare anyone...Sorry
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you are not scaring us hun i am grateful you posted i read your post and i see so much of me in it. i am scatter all over the place too you are right though therapist can help you put back some of the pieces I think a psychiatrist can help as well there are meds that help decrease the triggering the disossiation i am just looking into that now.
    Your kids are lucky to have such a great mom who saved them from abuser in their life take care hun okay small steps just remember there is healing it just takes patience and time
     
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