Did anyone felt blamed for?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Selena9630, Jun 24, 2013.

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  1. Selena9630

    Selena9630 Member

    It's like everything I say to him is wrong. And he always go towards the knife. I don't know what to do, but its eating me inside. He keeps saying be mine. I don't want to. He is my ex now. I felt like I caused him to much pain. I feel like I triggered it more. I made him worse. I thought I would be able to make him happy, but I failed. I told him goodbye. I logged out facebook (long distance) Today I got a message saying,
    "I miss you."
    I said,"I know you do. How are you doing?"
    "bad"
    "Describe bad."
    "I'm all alone in my house..."
    I didn't reply because I don't want to be part of it. I feel guilt it's eating me inside. <edit:methods> This is all my fault his own mother even told me that. He tried <edit-methods> yesterday Idk why his mother didn't even take it away. I told her what I should do and I would do it. (He asked) Her exact words where,"Tell your bitch girlfriend it's up to her." ALL IN MY MIND I KEEP HEARING YOUR THE REASON WHY HE'S GOING TO BE DEAD SOON. GUILT IS EATING ME INSIDE LIKE CRAZY. I'M HITTING MY BREAKING POINT. I WANT TO DIE. GUILT GUILT GUILT!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2013
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    No one makes anyone do anything...it is unfair that his mother puts this on you...and unfair that he is entangling you in this...I am sure this is very painful, this I do not question, but when someone states that a person is the cause of another's demise, I think that is holding the person hostage...just a tragic situation
     
  3. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    Sadeyes is right - you can't be held hostage in a relationship.

    My dad tried leaving his second wife about 3 times - it took him years to get out of the relationship because every time he tried she would threaten to kill herself and leave a note blaming him and stating a bunch of lies. It's not nice and it's not healthy.

    Your ex boyfriend needs help. Maybe speak to his mother about getting him some and tell her this has nothing to do with you. He can't trap you in something you don't want to be in.
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Sadeyes is right. He does what he does and feels what he feels. Same with his mother. I hope they can get good help for their situation/s. this would be good. Would it be possible for you to get counselling to help you to get through all this blame thats being thrown your way? I am sure he is in great pain. But to be held hostage ( as snarrylover said) by guilt does no one any good. Not him, her and especially not you. Perhaps in counselling you can develop a muscle of not taking on guilt or responsibility that is not yours. Even when it is being thrown with such intensity. In general taking on blame others throw at us can be a huge and difficult thing to work on. It sure is hard for me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2013
  5. Selena9630

    Selena9630 Member

    I gave him another chance, but then I couldn't do it still so I said goodbye again. He still keeps sending me messages. I want him to stop contacting me. He told me this,"Honestly if we ever lose contact in anyway I would kill myself." Well I deleted his number. That's it. I'm scared to delete him off my facebook. What if he sees that I unfriend him and blocked him this might be the end. Honestly you guys are all right. I just don't know what to do from here. Help me please. ErrRrrr should I just go with my gut and do it. I just don't want to sound indifferent. Confused. One minute he says goodbye the next i get a message. Then again goodbye he's just bluffing right? Maybe he is.
     
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Selena. As was said earlier, his threatening to hurt or kill himself is a way of holding you hostage, of controlling you and of making you do what he wants, even if it is not good for you.

    A break up is usually not easy for either person. There are always left-over feelings and even some good memories that make us want to hold on and try to make things work out. If you have decided you do not want to hear from him or be with him, it is your right to choose that. It might hurt him, but how he handles the hurt - what he does because he feels hurt - is up to him, and it is not on you.

    I hope you'll keep posting and let us know how things are going. Take care and stay safe.
     
  7. Stuckinthemiddle

    Stuckinthemiddle New Member

    Selena, its not your fault. I too went through something similar to this. My bestfriend [committed suicide right in front of me]. I dont know why she [did that] if she felt it was my fault but it wasnt. It was her own choice to do it and you shouldn't blame yourself. The more the guilt eats at you the more they have control, take away the control and it will stop. I hope you are better and dont feel guilty.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2013
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    You are so right. It was not your fault. No matter if she said a hundred times it was your fault. Someone's decision to terminate their life is their own responsability. Plain and clear. The treat of suicide can be a horrible weapon when someone else is blamed for it. And you are right. The only way to handle it is to rightly not accept this responsability. To take control not to accept this guilt.
     
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