I don't know if it was being judged which started it but as the years have gone by I've also gotten more bitter so now I really do hate the person I am. I try so hard to be someone I'm not, someone kind and caring and unprejudiced however I'm not really. I hate people, all people, I can barely stand to be in the same room as happyness and even when I'm trying to cheer someone else up I seem to be pushing myself down into depression. Deep down I'm terrified of gay men, I drink too much, I smoke too much, I have nationalistic politics, deep down I think I hate women too. I just can't shake the feeling that when people judge me negatively, they're getting it right. I try so hard, but in the end I'm still a horrible little bastard inside.