did he hate me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Darlene, Mar 5, 2012.

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  1. Darlene

    Darlene Member

    Mark and I were so in love. We had our arguments. The day he commited suicide he left our home angry. No note. Just anger. I tried finding him that Christmas eve.
    I tried. I called. Why wouldn't he pick up the phone or text me back. He called me once and hung up. He left so mad at me. I wanted him home. Not all relationships agree all the time however I still wanted us to hold hands. Things would have been ok.
    I feel unwanted by someone that always treated me like gold. Why hurt me so bad and make me feel punished for fighting with him by taking his life. Why punish me by not answering my calls. desperate looking for him.He rang me one time thru my 133 ring attempts to him. He did not talk. I said some mean things during our argument. I told him to go back with his old girlfriend. Silly stuff. Just anger words. I wanted him home. I had our dinner cooking and a special Christmas plan we had.
    I need help. I want to know that he loved me. His last words were not I LOVE YOU. His last words were anger. Thats hurts me. I feel pain so bad.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2012
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    When you had the argument, you could not know how bad off he was...this was not your fault...it is unfortunate that this was your last experience with him, but know that one event does not define a relationship...the most important thing is for you to forgive yourself for what was said, as it is a natural part of relating to another...but also know you were loved...I am so sorry for your loss
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I am sorry :( But like you said, it was all angry words and anger is a very strong emotion that can cause people to act in ways they normally don't. Deep down I am sure he loved you so much. You just have to cherish all those good memories and don't blame yourself.

    I know I am most suicidal when I am angry, and luckily there is someone to calm me down (most times) but it does change me. But always deep down under that mask of anger is a loving, caring person like your Mark hun.

    :hug: xx
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