Le Sigh. I apparently have been officially diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. It wouldn't be so bad, I suppose, but it appears that I have a severe case. It does explain a lot, but I am not happy and am feeling exceptionally low. I have more than one personality. One than just "me" happens to be suicidal. I guess chances of my death have increased with multiple personalities trying to kill one body. My therapists aren't wanting to reveal what other personalities have told them actually. I have gotten a few bits of information out of them about the other sides of...this body. It seems that they have "met" a few through their course of sessions with ... me? us? whatever. I'm not sure how to refer to "myself" any more. Do I say I am Ann or do I say that I am one personality in a body that I refer to as Ann? I am very confused. I am very scared. What if another personality does very bad and I am to blame? Will I ever get to "interact" with my other personalities? What if my other personalities have created a whole life around them and I won't find out until years down the road? What if the other personalities began relationships and I am unaware of it? I have so many questions. I have so many concerns. What if I'm not what I say I am? I "know" I'm a virgin--but what if I'm not after all? I "know" I don't have a boyfriend--but what if I do and I just haven't seen that person yet for them to "recognize" me? I know where I work, but what if I have two jobs? I find myself wondering if my situation was what it was because the therapists knew a long time ago. I wonder if I was placed in "special" situations to avoid conflict between myself and the other personalities. I wonder... But I am so afraid now. I fear what could be. I fear what I am. I am trying to ignore this and go on but I catch myself questioning every move I make. I come home with groceries to find groceries already stocked in my refrigerator. I know "I" didn't do that but I know something that is considered "me" did. I had seen this before and chalked it up to a bad memory but now I know that is false. I have come to find stray kittens at my door, curious if "I" have brought them there previously. I have bumped into people who claim to know "me" when I have no recollection of ever meeting them. My boss has asked me, on several occasions, if I was feeling better than the previous day. Sometimes I am confused though, thinking that I was off the previous day--how would he know if I was ill or not? It must have not been "me" he saw. I once could not, for the life of me, remember waking up, getting dressed, and going to work. Now I know why. Now I know it wasn't because of too little sleep or too busy of a mind to recall. I know answers but it only created so many more questions. Am I alone? Are "we" alone? Is whatever "I" am...alone? Do I tell anyone? If I meet a boy, should I tell him? Should I inform my boss? Co-workers? Family? Friends? Apartment complex? Neighborhood? Bag boy at the grocery store? ugh. I D K.