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Did my friend try to kill me...

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FrainBart

Staff Alumni
#1
I've recently relapsed. I've been struggling pretty heavily and was signed off work a few weeks ago. I started cbt, but have been put back on the waiting list. I went in to work to speak to my supervisor about being off. shes also somewhat a friend I think.
After talking to her she told me to write. write anything and everything about my life. get it all out on paper and then burn it. So I e been doing that.

today I was writing about pretty much never going anywhere with friends. and remembering the last time I had been let out with a friend.

then it hit me like a tonne of bricks. and I have felt sick ever since the realisation.

when I was 12 I went to town with a friend. I had either £20 or £30. we had lunch, and went shopping. I had my new coat for school on me. we were having a good day out. but we didn't have money for the bus home.

so my friend said we should just walk and she knew a quick way home. we went to a park along the way and sat on the swings, some boys started harassing and bullying me. We eventually left and carried on walking by the river. I wasn't really all that familiar with this bit of town, but I was with my friend and I trusted her.

She got tired and said her feet were hurting her, so we stopped near the river, when I realised I had left a bag behind. I left my coat with her because it was warm. and went back to get my bag. by the time I got back to my friend my stuff was gone and my coat was caught in the river, and she told me the boys had come by and thrown it all in the river. (The Thames is one of the main rivers in the UK, it is deceptively deep, and fast moving, has a very strong current) I had to get my coat because my mum would kill me for losing my new coat, so I tried to reach it but couldn't. I bent down to get a stick to try and reach it, and she shoved me, pushing me into the river.
At the time she made me say the boys had pushed me in to my mum. when I was alone she said she'd need to call the police on the boys and I said they didn't do it. But I didn't say who did.

it never truly hit me until today as I'm writing it all down. she was trying to kill me. the river goes a fair way out from my home, it took longer to go that way than to stick on the main road. so she must have planned it. all of this im only realising now. and I am just so confused. and overwhelmed... I dont know what to think or feel, I don't know to process this realisation. maybe its in my head, but I remember the whole day so clearly. Everything I bought everything we did and everywhere we went... I just can't process it.
 

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#2
Realisations can and do shock our system. I've had a few about myself ide rather of not realised.
Was she trying to frame the boys ?
How did your "friend" turn out as life progressed?,its very rare for someone that young to want to murder.
Did you stop going out with friends after that incident?
We can be very immature and do very silly thoughtless things in youth.
Its obviously worth understanding but to blindly believe she tried to kill you could lead you down a dark path .
Take care and best wishes .
 

FrainBart

Staff Alumni
#3
I haven't kept in contact but not long after happened she took to bullying me, shoving cat shit down my top, and other things.

and no never really went out with any friends after that. (they were so few and far between). I honestly don't know what to think. But there was absolutely no need for us to even have gone by the river.
 

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#4
Sounds like she had real issues ,there's no way to know if she wanted to kill you or was just impulsive acting out .knowing her background would explain alot.very stupid things are done at that age .if your very vulnerable at the moment be very careful dredging up the past .it affects us deeply .
I empathise about your relapse, im close to one myself .
 
#5
It's awful that she did that. It's a really terrible betrayal. It sounds like there was just something very wrong with her.
I started cbt, but have been put back on the waiting list
I think the NHS offers some free online cbt materials. There are also some books about cbt
 
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