Did people treat you differently afterwards?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by pogosticker, Mar 6, 2012.

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  1. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    I noticed that when my issues came to light, my family started to 'baby' me. From that point on, people's expectations of me dropped dramatically. I was treated like a child, like I was incapable of doing anything, and everyone was overly nice to me in fear of me doing something.

    The way people spoke to me changed. It all felt very belittling. I don't mean only immediately afterwards, I mean ever since.

    What was your experience like?
     
  2. Snake

    Snake Well-Known Member

    No, only two friends know that I "was" suicidal in my teens, but they didn't change their way of treating me afterwards.
     
  3. Tough times

    Tough times Member

    It sounds like people are trying to be kind to you after maybe not realizing just how much you were/are hurting. People around you will blame themselves in part for your troubles and they will feel awkward for a time, worried about whether or not they are doing the right thing now.

    Add to that that maybe you feel a bit more self-conscious than before.

    Smile and embrace the love. Those around you are willing to do for you what they can. I think it would be harder on you if everyone just pretended nothing was wrong or that nothing happened.
     
  4. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    yeah, my parents were immediately different. They kept staring at me, checking on me twice as much, asking how I'm feeling and stuff. But they also stopped asking me to do chores as much, they did everything themselves or asked my sister to do it (who as far as I know has no idea about everything) and they stopped asking if I did my homework or have to study. If I wanted something they would never agree to befor, they considered and compromised, for exampled I like piercings and tattoos, I got to get a tunnel and my mother got me a piercing, my father wanted to make a contract with me to let me get a tattoo if i stop cutting (i'd have to pay him a lot of money if i did cut ever again. i knew i wouldn't be able to keep my side so i never agreed). After a year now, they're slowly going back to normal. They think it was just a phase, a one time thing so now they aren't as caring as they were those few months afterward. It shows that they only tried acting closer because they thought I had problems, now they think they are gone, erased, and that they can act 'normal' with me again.
     
  5. letty

    letty Banned Member

    it was weird , people kept watching me like if i was going to explode or something, my sister seemed irritated,
     
  6. Leland

    Leland Member

    This is a huge fear of mine andd it's one reason I haven't told many close loved ones. I told my dad a few months ago and he seemed emotionally involved in what he was hearing, but he also looked very overwhelmed. He was perfectly respectful and everything, but it's never come up since, and I could tell I caused him pain by telling him this. I have two close friends who have dealt with suicidal thoughts themselves though. One of them is pretty supportive, the other has no patience for it at all, presumably because he has enough of his own problems to worry about. Things aren't really getting any better though and I'm thinking of maybe reaching out to someone. The therapist really helps, but I need to be able to see someone regularly about this.
     
  7. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    Most of my family just ignore it. When I'm in the hospital they don't call. If I bring it up they quickly change the topic. ... all except my stepfather who told me it was good I didn't die because then I would be in hell. Neither approach is helpful any more than being treated like you are going to shatter at any moment.
     
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Yeah, people monitor me or don't want to leave me alone, even though I'd rather be left alone. So it can get annoying.
     
  9. hopeless

    hopeless Well-Known Member

    i still get treated differently even though it's been over 5 years since my last attempt. i hate calling my mom because she thinks she needs to know everything that is going on. she's so scared that anything can set me off that she is overly concerned and it causes problems between us.
     
  10. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Everyone - new member, first post - pleased to meet you all.:stars: (Just wanted a plain smiley, but this will have to do)........ There is hope for the desperate, I know, I was desperate enough to end it all (14 years ago now, but remember it like it was yesterday) - was rescued and somehow, came to understand some whys and wherefores that had been missing b4. I'm here to befriend, never belittle. I know the pain and 100% hopelessness - and still could go back there if I followed the thoughts down.

    Did ppl treat me differently afterwards? Yes...... and then also No, because they expected me to "come right" for them, and had their own forgiving to do while they grappled to understand what I couldn't explain to them. I don't know what advice they were given and I'm too reluctant to open up old scar tissue now. I try to live each day making the most of all I have - I was so 'lucky' to come through in one piece physically.
     
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Welcome, pleased to meet you too :smile: I'm glad that you were able to get through it and that you are feeling better now.
     
  12. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hey, our signatures sync :shake:
     
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Oh wow that's cool...I like your signature by the way :chuncky:
     
  14. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    I have always paid special attention on people's behavior, this is what I've experienced first hand on how they behaved after my attempt:
    -angry (specially the ones who had a loved one who had committed suicide)
    -disappointed
    -sad
    -wrecked
    -confused
    -guilty
    -wanting to tell me what not to do
    -wanting to tell me what to do
    -noone mentioned on my Facebook (at least 50 people on it knew about it
    -asked me to keep it quiet and not tell about it
    -a suicide survivors group asked me to yell it to the world
    -most good friends stopped any communication
    -best friends still check on me
    -sister ashamed of what I did
    -father telling me that I took a lot of wrong decisions (stopped after I told him that I learned from him)
    -mother negative and looking to bother me until I asked her to not be negative around me
    -met new people who are like angels and check on me and are there to listen to me (by telling my story to all)
    -priests, the ones you would think would judge you or condemn you, but no, they were amazing and helped me more than any psychologist or psychiatrist, wish I visited them before attempting.
    -some didn't think I could get out of the hole, others, as they see megetting out of the hole, they get upset that I am doing better than them and they stop talking to me.

    I try not to tell anymore, unless I see that it would help them in any way, bugonce I do, everything changes.

    Don't worry about what anyone thinks, show them you are the same or better, make them realize you are not thinking about it all the time, be happy around them, smile, give love, let them love you and teach them to love.

    God bless you...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2012
  15. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Born Again - totally get where you're at! Very pleased to meet you. I'm born again, by God's mercy and grace - of course, totally undeserved......... made some very wrong choices, (when in a hole) thinking they were good (so blind - BUT!) We are not perfect, just forgiven, and the remnants get gathered up so that nothing gets wasted - absolutely NOTHING gets wasted.
     
  16. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member


    And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” M1527

    Hi urprecious, pleasure to meet you and I am glad you are one of the blessed in this world that has been given a chance to be born again, use this second chance for the good of others, like I can see that you already are :)

    There are no wrong choices, everything happens for a reason and will give you tools to become humble, understand others, be more compassionate, love life and see God in everything, you can see that already, help others to see it too!

    Big hug for you, will keep you in my prayers and God bless you.
     
  17. Caos

    Caos Active Member

    no one understood and felt down in their esteem, ashamed of me. cut short on sticking round them just ttelling me how to run my life but no imputs and no asisstance jut do what we suggest and close the topic. wish i had succceed
     
  18. Reeedie

    Reeedie New Member

    I'm struggling with this right now. I was taken to the ER this past weekend after a mix of sleeping pills, DayQuil and liquor.

    My mum is babying me, telling me how much she loves me and how special and clever i am, im 30 years old! my dad is just trying to throw money at the situation, he wants me in an in-patient facility and is offering to send me on trips to clear my head. I don't want to talk to my parents, I have never talked deeply about feelings with them and to be honest, I'm so ashamed of this whole hint I just want it all to go away.

    Finally my fiancé, the one I really want to talk to, is just telling me I need to get my head straight and see a counselor. All good advice that I'm following but it seems to be at the expense of our relationship. For example I tell her I love her and I want to fix this/me so we can get back on track and she says that I can't think about us or her and I need to just concentrate on me. I am working on me but I feel I need my successful relationship as the goal to work towards. She Is going out with friends, staying out all night and all I want her is to be with me. People say she is struggling to cope with all of this and i should give her space but it feels like I'm losing her. She says she loves me one minute but then says our relationship is over and she is going out without her ring the next. I understand my actions will have consequences for all but is this normal? Do I just give her space or is there more to this? The people I don't want o talk to (parents) are all over me and the person I really want to talk to (fiance) won't talk to me. Again has anyone experienced this? Or is there anyone out here in her shoes that can help explain this? She won't talk to me. Again I am doing everything she asked (and that I know I need) and I hoped it would allow us to rebuild but it seems the opposite is happening.

    Thanks for you help
     
  19. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    Reeedle, I would ask her to go to counseling with you. She needs to learn about bipolar and how it will and will not effect your lives. She sounds like she might be scared about what it all means -- you know, fight or flight. It could do a lot of good if she will go with you.
     
  20. Reeedie

    Reeedie New Member

    Annieinside,

    We actually have gone through relationship counseling but my fiancé didn't see eye to eye with the therapist and so any and all advice was a waste. I'm much more stubborn and so pushed us through it but in hindsight that was a bad idea. I think I was doing ok just because I got to talk to someone about us. My fiancé really only listens to her mother. She would tell her all our problems and then she would take her advice as gospel which annoyed me as I felt she (my finances mother) was giving advice based on only half the story. It also made me very uncomfortable when we would be around her because she knew all our "dirty laundry". I'm wondering if perhaps it would be a good idea to actually use my finances mother as someone to talk to about our problems? My thought is that way she will get the whole picture, I won't feel villanized when I'm around them and ultimately, my fiancé will actually listen. I appreciate there is no substitute for an actuall counselor but this might be a good stepping stone. Any thoughts?
     
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