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Did you ever break friendship with someone because they got better?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by boo, May 5, 2010.

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  1. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Ok here it goes. I'm sure many of you have made a few friends here on SF. Most of the time, i'm sure you've sympathize with someone cause you almost share the same struggles. So a friendship is form and that person is becoming quite important to you.
    Then one day, that person is no longer suffering from depression and such and decide it's time to leave SF. The problem here is that you are still stuck on the boat.

    I felt bretrayed. Not that i wasn't happy for him, but i knew things wouldn't be the same. I felt like he wouldn't understand my problems anymore. Despite knowing he could've been a lifetime worthy friend, i decided to block him. He tried to contact me many times, be it here of on msn. But i couldn't talk to him. It's almost like i hate him for getting better.

    Unfortunately, that wasnt the only time something like this happened.

    So, did you ever break friendship with someone because they got better?

    PS: Frank (fpl) you were the best thing when i joined this site. Despite knowing you no longer come here, i still want to say it out of principle! And remember Frank! I'LL STILL GONNA KICK YOUR ASS! :tongue:
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm... never thought about it. If anything I would assume someone would break off a friendship with me because I didn't get better when they did.
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I've never broke a friendship because a person has got better but I've had people do it to me & it's not nice. I don't know for definite if that's why they stopped talking to me but I'm assuming it is as I have no other reason.

    Having said that I do have friends that are happier with their life now & we're still in touch. I am genuinely happy for them, I don't feel betrayed but sometimes I'm a bit reluctant to open up to them, probably because I'm scared of dragging them down again rather than them not being able to understand me.

    I guess that's the nature of this site, it's inevitable that people improve & get to a point where they don't want reminded of the past or periods of their life that were difficult. Because of my past experiences I am more guarded now, I was never great at opening up in the 1st place but now I find it much more difficult. I can't/won't let myself be hurt like that again. I've always thought that if you meet a true friend whether it be here or in rl then you'll be there for them for the good & bad regardless. And likewise they'd do the same for you.

    Sorry Boo, this has turned into a ramble & it's not really answered your question. It does sound like your friend still wanted be your friend but maybe you were just protecting yourself & that manifested itself with feelings of resentment & betrayal? :hug:
  4. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Like you said, I didn't want to annoy him with my problems. Last thing i wanted to do is to drag him back. I know i still had his support, but yeah...
    I've lost more friends than i care to count. Perhaps i didn't put the effort required to keep them. Then again, i'm a self centered prick. I can't see past my nose... :dry:
  5. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Aww Boo, I don't think it's like that. Personally speaking, although I'm still friends with some people the dynamics of the friendship have changed considerably. We aren't in contact as often as we used to be, but that's fault on both sides. Their side because they are busy with their new life & my fault because I'm too wrapped in my own depression to bother maintaining regular contact. Sometimes it's easier to stay friends with those who are still depressed because then it's easier to express how you're really feeling.

    Have you considered contacting your friend(s) again?
  6. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Yeah i still have his email, though i blocked him a long time ago... I don't know if i will contact him/them again. I can barely keep up with the mess that is my own life, so i try to keep my friend circle to a minimal, be it here or in life.
  7. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Maybe Boo, you could send him/them an email? I know how hard it can be to keep motivated. But it doesn't have to be anything major, just a casual 'hey, how're you' thing?

    It could help in 1 of 2 ways really. 1) You may get your friendship back albeit steadily or 2) If things don't work out then you could get closure from it.
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I have and I feel bad about it, but similarly people have stopped speaking to me because THEY got better.
    Like attracts like doesn't it - and if you are no longer in the same situation, what reason do you have to stick around?

    A non depressed person would probably bring me down anyway, and if I got better I'm doubtful I'd want to be surrounded by depressed people anymore. As cruel as that sounds, it's the unfortunate truth.
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    This is why I think my friend is going to stop talking to me soon. I am going to bring her back down with me.
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I haven't broken one because they got better, but more than once it's been the other way around. I've connected with certain people partly based on the fact that we both had depression. There's been a couple people whom I've gotten very close with, and when their life started improving, we became more distant. It seems like I'm only around if they need me. One of my friends who just broke up with her boyfriend recently called me to hang out after I hadn't seen her for 8 months or so. Now we're hanging out again. It's such bullshit and I hate it. I almost wish they were still unhappy because then it seems I'm needed.
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