Didn't know where to post this...A Letter

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by jessiebelle, Jul 19, 2011.

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  1. jessiebelle

    jessiebelle Member

    I didn't know where this should be posted. If this isn't the right forum, please let me know.

    I don't think we should see each other anymore. I think the better you get to know me, the less you will want to know me. You think you have seen my bad sides, my dark and twisty parts, but you have seen nothing yet, nothing. You know nothing of the nights I cry for hours. The nights I take a razor blade and drag it through my skin until it splits open and bleeds, and the sight of my own blood pouring through the gashes I have made is the only thing that brings me any peace. You know nothing of the lists, the pros and cons I write, on different suicide methods. Reminiscent, in such a twisted way, of he lists we used to write together, the pros and cons on different holiday destinations. Hmmm, Spain has culture, beaches, and fantastic food, but a gunshot to the head is instantaneous and hard to mess up.

    I don't think we should see each other anymore. I cut myself for pleasure. I have scars everywhere. On my arms, my shoulders, my upper legs, my back, my breasts, my thighs, even on my wrists now. I have scars from ten years of hurting myself, and I am constantly forming more. I am covered in scars, and each one has a story, of hurt, loss and abandonment. You haven't even seen these scars yet, but when you do, you will run. Everyone runs.

    I don't think we should see each anymore. I want to die. I have no happiness in life, I see nothing to look forward to. I see no future for me. I see no joy in my life. I want to kill myself, and one day I will lose the battle not to.

    I don't think we should see each other anymore, because I am not a nice person to be around now days. I have no joy in my soul, I have no caring or even interest in others. I am selfish and I am lazy, and I am totally absorbed in my own little world of misery.

    I don't think we should see each other anymore. Because I love you. I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to try to help, to be there for me, trying to hide your horror and disgust at what a sick, pathetic, weak person I have become. I don't want your pity. I want to push you away now, while you don't know these things about me. I want you to leave, and not look back, and not realise that you just dodged a bullet. I want you to walk away from me, knowing yourself to be a good man, because if you stick around here all you will see is misery and decay, and you won't be able to cope with it. You will be sickened and disgusted by what I have become. By what i have always been underneath the girl you knew and loved. She is not coming back. This is me now. This is what I have always been on the inside.

    I don't think we should see each other anymore. I think you have to walk away, don't look back. If I have to, I will push you away, but I do not want you to see this, to witness my destruction.

    I don't think we should see each other anymore. Because I can't stand you looking at me with pity in your eyes. Because most of all, I know that when you leave me, I will break down. And sooner or later you will leave me, the same as everyone else in my life has always left me. And i can't cope. I have coped with so much. I have coped with everybody, everybody, else leaving me, but I will not cope when you leave me. That will be the final nail in the coffin of my heart. That will be my breaking point.

    So i'm not going to wait around, and give you the chance to leave me. You have to go now. We can't see each other anymore. i don't want to see you again. Don't look back. Go. I love you so much. Go. Leave me.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :sad: That is so beautifully written, but so very, very sad. You are a talented writer.

    If YOU have been strong enough to survive the things that brought you to writing the letter, is HE perhaps strong enough to survive hearing you and being by your side? I guess I'm saying he might not run - not everyone will run, even if others in the past have.

    Wishing you peace and love and safety.
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