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Didn't know where to put this

Sevven

Well-Known Member
#1
This isn't physical image, but I wasn't sure where this thread belonged.
Do you ever feel there's a You that you know, but it's not the you that presents? I feel like I'm smart enough, fairly funny, kind, warm and engaging, but then I plop into a room full of people and Idk what to look at, my words come out backwards, I say stupid shit, my jokes all flop, I panic and can't think and look like a fucking moron and I make insensitive comments cuz my mouth is moving faster than my mind. How can I be both these people and why is this bumbling social pariah the dominant, presenting form and why can't I seem to control myself?
I'd be willing to bet I'm not the only one who feels this way. Is there anything we can do to mindfully be who we mean to be??
 
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Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#2
Do you think this is a bit of social panic? Like you start off okay but once you start to get a creeping bad feeling it all starts to plummet quickly?
 
#3
This isn't physical image, but I wasn't sure where this thread belonged.
Do you ever feel there's a You that you know, but it's not the you that presents? I feel like I'm smart enough, fairly funny, kind, warm and engaging, but then I plop into a room full of people and Idk what to look at, my words come out backwards, I say stupid shit, my jokes all flop, I panic and can't think and look like a fucking moron and I make insensitive comments cuz my mouth is moving faster than my mind. How can I be both these people and why is this bumbling social pariah the dominant, presenting form and why can't I seem to control myself?
I'd be willing to bet I'm not the only one who feels this way. Is there anything we can do to mindfully be who we mean to be??
Hi Sevven - I can SO relate to this but have not idea what the answer it. With me - it's total social panic. I know in my head that I am able to mix with these folk but my mouth says differently. If you find a solution let me know !!
 

Sevven

Well-Known Member
#4
I liv
Do you think this is a bit of social panic? Like you start off okay but once you start to get a creeping bad feeling it all starts to plummet quickly?
Maybe, yeah? some self fulfilling prophecy garbage. Lol.
I did a little better today, but totally made someone else feel awkward and stumbled all over myself trying to fix it. I just feel so Dumb afterwards. I guess it can be used as a "what other people think doesn't actually matter" lesson...?
 
#5
A lot depends on the people that you're dealing with. If these were people that you just met, you might not necessarily know enough about them and their sense of humor, their personalities, to mesh well.
 
#6
I did a little better today, but totally made someone else feel awkward and stumbled all over myself trying to fix it. I just feel so Dumb afterwards
If you could give some specific examples, we might have a better insight about what's going on.
 

the.end.ish

Misknown Member
#7
103% me. Just the other day I put my foot in my mouth over employee furloughs... note to self, don't ask why someone isn't scheduled on the work calendar during a time of furloughs.

I think I come off as a little acerbic or cold sometimes. And anxiety is one of the main reasons why. in this instance, I only asked because I didn't know what else to say and I felt pressured to speak... so I didnt actually think about what I was saying. And this is how the majority of my rl convos go.

Sometimes internet convos if I'm really uncomfortable. I've only been able to help this by being more present and more mindful of what's going on around me. I spend so much time in my head. and my thoughts go a million miles a minute, but when I slow down, listen and engage with people instead of my anxiety.. it helps. Dk if this is anything earth shattering.

I'm open to more answers myself.
 

Sevven

Well-Known Member
#8
103% me. Just the other day I put my foot in my mouth over employee furloughs... note to self, don't ask why someone isn't scheduled on the work calendar during a time of furloughs.

I think I come off as a little acerbic or cold sometimes. And anxiety is one of the main reasons why. in this instance, I only asked because I didn't know what else to say and I felt pressured to speak... so I didnt actually think about what I was saying. And this is how the majority of my rl convos go.

Sometimes internet convos if I'm really uncomfortable. I've only been able to help this by being more present and more mindful of what's going on around me. I spend so much time in my head. and my thoughts go a million miles a minute, but when I slow down, listen and engage with people instead of my anxiety.. it helps. Dk if this is anything earth shattering.

I'm open to more answers myself.
That really makes sense, the whole feeling pressure to speak And needing to slow down.

If you could give some specific examples, we might have a better insight about what's going on.
Ummm...okay, one instance, I was going to do laundry at my friend's. I got there and didn't get right to it and her son's gf started a load. I showed up in the basement as she was taking her stuff outta the washer and she apologized, said she didn't know I was coming. Instead of just saying it was np, I said, "I was Supposed to start right away when I got here," and she inserts, "I know, I'm really sorry. " I'm like, "No, I communicated that badly. I don't mean I was supposed to be able to get right in, I just mean I was slow. Don't worry. You're fine."
Just way too many of the wrong words
 
#9
Ok, so it sounds like what you were trying to say is that had you started the laundry as soon as you got there, there wouldn't have been a problem, but her son's gf thought you were complaining.

Stuff like this happens all the time. If you can, I would say the best thing is just to accept that things like this happen.

In general, if someone is having some kind of emotional reaction, the main thing is to deal with the emotional reaction first, and then wait to add explanations later. Like if you had said "No problem" or something like that first, your later explanation might have made more sense to her.
 

Sevven

Well-Known Member
#10
Ok, so it sounds like what you were trying to say is that had you started the laundry as soon as you got there, there wouldn't have been a problem, but her son's gf thought you were complaining.

Stuff like this happens all the time. If you can, I would say the best thing is just to accept that things like this happen.

In general, if someone is having some kind of emotional reaction, the main thing is to deal with the emotional reaction first, and then wait to add explanations later. Like if you had said "No problem" or something like that first, your later explanation might have made more sense to her.
Yup, and it all makes perfect sense after the fact, I just seem to get it wrong in the moment 89% of the time
 

extraterrestrialone

hi, guess who... its me...
SF Supporter
#11
This isn't physical image, but I wasn't sure where this thread belonged.
Do you ever feel there's a You that you know, but it's not the you that presents? I feel like I'm smart enough, fairly funny, kind, warm and engaging, but then I plop into a room full of people and Idk what to look at, my words come out backwards, I say stupid shit, my jokes all flop, I panic and can't think and look like a fucking moron and I make insensitive comments cuz my mouth is moving faster than my mind. How can I be both these people and why is this bumbling social pariah the dominant, presenting form and why can't I seem to control myself?
I'd be willing to bet I'm not the only one who feels this way. Is there anything we can do to mindfully be who we mean to be??
i’ve been processing similarly since i’ve been on this site. just recently i thought i made a big discovery but was afraid to disclose it here only to find out that i disclosed it in the first or second thread i ever posted here. but yeah, it is a struggle for me to be who i really am. it presents quite differently from what you are describing but i think we both want to be our real selves yet much debris or something gets in the way.

idk, this may be completely different and not what you are talking about after all. sorry if its not appropriate.
 
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