ive had some pretty big moments lately where i really thought the best thing for me would be to end my life, and in the last few weeks its been very tough to fight that feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. in the past i have seen the times where my mood has slipped and struggled to stop it from going so far down that i would attempt. but i seen it happening and chose not to fight it or fought it and struggled. i asked for help and support and got it, but this time is different, i didnt see it happening. i have totally isolated myself, stopped going to work, making excuses as to why i cant go, stopped eating, stopped doing all the things i needed to do. i felt quite good last week and finally thought things were getting better, but this has hit me like a bolt from nowhere. i was so busy being 'up' that the big crash has hit me and i didnt see it coming at all. i have never had this feeling before and simply dont know what im going to do to break this cycle im now in. i dont want to die, i dont want to attempt, i just want to get back to where i was last week, and stop this happening again.