Didn't think it could get worse........

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LisaMarie, Oct 29, 2007.

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  1. LisaMarie

    LisaMarie Member

    But it can. I've made my mind up to finish it as soon as I can, hopefully I'll get the courage tonight. Thanks for the replies but there really is no point in wasting your time, I'm just not worth it. sorry to have took your time up when you could have been helping someone else who deserved it
     
  2. twilightki

    twilightki Well-Known Member

    Everyone is 'worth' the time. Trust me.

    Take a deep breathe.

    Tell us a little about your situation. Maybe we can help you out, give you some advice, at the very least, relate to your situation. Trust me, I've felt like I wanted to end it numerous amounts of time. But I endured. After I decided not to, I always said, "Wow, I'm glad I really didn't do that.". I'm still saying it today.
     
  3. LisaMarie

    LisaMarie Member

    Trust me, no way am I worth it. I was beaten regularly by my mother when I was a kid, my dad raped me from when I was a baby. when he left, my older brother took over! Spent years in care which I left at 16 to get married to a bully. I had 2 boys then finally a little girl, but she was so tiny when she was born & had so many problems that she died when she was just 13 months old. Losing her made me pluck up the courage to leave my husband but then I go & walk into an even worse relatioship 3 years later.... I was beaten & raped virtually daily for 7 years. Worse still, I allowed me boys to be beaten by him! The only way I got out of that was he beat me up & raped me after keeping me locked in a room for 3 days. It was so bad, not 100 percent sure how I came to wake up in hospital nearly 2 weeks later. Was told my 14 year old son had carried me out when my ex passed out through the booze. What kinda mother does that make me?
    Then, last week, was clearing my mother's house out cos she died earlier this year, & found 'journals' she had kept all her life. In the bits I've read, she calls me a slut, says I 'led my dad on' & deserve everything that happened. Could almost have coped if they were years old, but one of them was from last year. If even my own mother says I'm nothing & says stuff from 40 odd years ago is my fault, what kind of person am I? I don't deserve to live. & before you say see a counsellor, asked my GP about that last year & was told to get on with it! So why do I deserve to live? I'm sorry for wasting your time
    I've got loads of meds & now just need the courage to finish taking them all
     
  4. Lisa, hun, I am so sorry for what has happened to you, none of what your mother said is true, you're a strong, couragious lady, please try to hold on...

    I'm here for you.
    :hug:
     
  5. JobForAVictim

    JobForAVictim Well-Known Member

    Lisa, you've certainly been treated unfairly in life.
    First: What has happened to you is not your fault, and it does not make you a bad person.
    Second: People like your ex and your mother have been hurting you and putting you down. They may say you aren't worth it, but you don't have to believe that. You don't have to internalize their ideas about you. You can prove them wrong. You can find worth in yourself.

    I think you should get rid of those meds. You don't need to die. If you can't bring yourself to get rid of the meds, at least take a step back and give yourself some time. Please say you will wait a bit, perhaps a day, so that we can try to help you?

    Remember, it is not your fault that you are in a bad situation. You can stay alive and find worth in yourself, if you give life another chance.

    Hopefully my advice doesn't sound too silly or pointless. I want only to help you.
     
  6. LisaMarie

    LisaMarie Member

    too late. hopefully they, & the meds, will do the trick
     
  7. LisaMarie

    LisaMarie Member

    Why's it always worse at night? Been at work all day & could almost kid myself I'm worth a damn. Been home an hr & feel like shit again. I'm not saying it's all fine & dandy during the day, think about dying all the time, but it's bearable, come the night when I get home, dying seems like the only way to end what I feel & I know I wouldn't be missed! My kids are grown up, they have their own lives, they don't need me. No-one does. I hurt so much. Can't anyone stop it? Please
     
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