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I hear you. I'm even with you. Your last sentence is my most often thought... "Let me die." No one will LET me die. Just me, actually. My mother, my daughter, my therapist, my friends, my psychiatrist, my other family members that supposedly care... I have some sort of obligation to them. To do everything I can NOT to die. NOT to give in to my urges and dire wish to end the pain. Oh, if only we could float away into the clouds for real and get away from our feelings and horrible thoughts... I picture myself flying on a pegasus in the sky through the clouds and over meadows and hills. It's just a dream. A dream without the thoughts of death.
Can we 'live' up to our obligations in this life? Should we? We should. We can. It takes great strength to actually die. Do we think we have that strength without the guilt of hurting others? Maybe that's what's kept me alive for so long. As much as I commiserate with you, I ask you not to die. Maybe I'm just trying to talk myself into not dying. Dying on purpose is wrong. It is too sad to think of. It is too sad for those who care about us.
Talk more about this. Think it through. Let us listen and try to help.
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