Died a long time ago

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by amexdm, Jan 25, 2016.

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  1. amexdm

    amexdm Member

    I am David and have been here before. I am ready to just <mod edit - methods>. There is so much stress in my life. I have had a brain injury and work full time. I am in constant pain and have horrible fatigue. I have an abusive spouse (wife) who just doesnt know when to stop.
    last night after laying in bed all weekend I went to play poker for a few hours. She had a fit and wants to leave me and then took my phone. We argued for 3 hours. I went to bed at 3AM and got up at 7 for work. I have to listen to people abuse me all day in a cusotmer service job. I feel like my soul died years ago. The feelings of emptiness just go on and on. I want to damge myself so I have some feeling of SOMETHING. Then I think what if I get better and ruin it for a nice person I may meet.
    I really need to get away. <Mod Edit:Methods> Calling hotlines is a joke. They just give you the same canned BS. No one has the kindness to understand the good person I am and take the time to care.
    I asked my nephew Saturday to send me a video of his new puppy to cheer me up. He didnt have the decency to do so. he's too busy? It takes 30 seconds to video a dog and 10 seconds to send it. Maybe he can make a trip to my funeral. Writing a letter today. Not going home after work. We ll see where that goes.. If anyone wants to respond or PM me that would be good.

    Thank you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2016
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi David i am sorry you are so low YOU do matter and yes sometime the hotlines do not help but sometime you get a person there who has been through so much and does understand. It only takes that one person to help I hope your nephew can send you that picture animals always seem to bring some joy to us especially puppies. Have you thought abt marriage counseling with your wife so things there may improve If she does not want to go you go on your own ok so therapist can support you with what YOU are going through Keep talking here it helps it does sometimes just going to private diary and talking to oneself helps too i do that Take care ok
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    The thing with hotlines is they are not allowed to give you advice that's why you always get the same ''canned bs''. They are only there to listen and I think that is a good way to have it as they have no idea who they are talking to etc..

    I will offer to be your friend if you'd like? I'm female and 26 years old, I too am very unappreciated, I replied to your post because of the line I just quoted. I do good things all the time and no one even has the decency to say a simple thank you. If you want to talk further just hit me up in a private message. I could use a new friend!!
  4. amexdm

    amexdm Member


    Thanks for the replies and sorry if I broke the rules. One is not thinking right in this state. ya ll gotta understand. I do need to go to marraige counseling. Alone. She wont go. And I dont mean to be down os Suic Hotlines. I have probably called 5 times. The first one was meh. The second one was awesome. Spoke to a supr nice girl. The difference is she asked "WHY" I was hurting. And "WHY" does my wife abuse me. Not just a canned Im sorry and here call a local resource. The SH and SF can often be a persons last attempt or reach. It needs to be better.
    I will PM you Petal as would love to meet new friends. I am SOOO frustrated. My wife has anger issues but I have to be calm. It is maddening. And unfair. Calming down a little I hope.

  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Of course we understand, no need for apologies. One thing that might make you feel better is knowing i've struggled with depression most of my life and in may 2014 I was cleared of it thanks to a mixture of medications and therapies. I know everyone is different but it just shows and proves that it can be done. :)
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