To me, there is a difference between suicidal and wanting death. What I mean in my case is that I do not consider myself suicidal but at the same time I wish I could die the following year. Not suicidal because I don't look for methods at all. But I still periodically wish I could die after one year. To me, my favorite dream is fantasizing my physician telling me that I have a terminal illness from which I will die after one year or so.
I think there is a big difference, but the line in between is very thin.
I went through all possible stages. First it was a 'please don't wake up' thought before I fell asleep, then I don't want to exist, I want to disappear with every trace of my existence, I want to be dead, I want to die, I need to find a way to kill myself.
I was very self destructive, I enjoyed watching movies with brutal death scenes and imagined how my head would get smashed or something, and it was pure pleasure.
I knew the ideal suicide that looks like an accident and doesn't hurt loved ones that much is almost impossible to acheave, even though absolutely no one new how I felt. And I also didn't have the guts. That's why I was trying to push myself to the point where I wouldn't give a shit who I hurt, or to convince myself no one would miss me anyway. Maybe then I could do it.
I got an idea here on a site before it was deleted. I could easily get certain substance, but I couldn't find anywhere on the net what the lethal dose is. But I didn't really try hard either, it was in case I get there.
My final achievement was praying to the universe to make me fucking die already, and I was also willing to suffer for a while, just that I'd know I'll be free soon. In a few days I got really sick, and if I lived alone at the time I don't think I'd go to a hospital and I'd be dead now. But then I had no choice but to let doctors fix me while I was crying because I wasn't in the place of a roomie with cancer.
I called myself semi suicidal:p