I want to die. All day, every day. Except this morning. I had a normal/happy dream for once and I WANTED to pet the dog. And I WANTED to watch the Mizzou game on tv. And I had just a twinge of excitement about it. I hate that I have that voice in the back of my head that says "don't trust this. Nothing has changed. You are worthless. Your life will never amount to anything but loneliness and continued rejection and pain". I just want to enjoy the moment. Just for a minute.