Different way of "thinking"

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ThornThatNeverHeals, Sep 21, 2012.

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  1. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    So i have realised a couple reasons why i cannot communicate with people verbally but do better in writing... however im really unsure what im supposed to DO with this realization...

    when i think something it isnt though of in a way of words... my mind doesnt make a concious thought of "oh i want to cut now" or even "i want food" instead i "see" it. If im hungry ill slightly taste something that i want to eat... sometimes i cant even conciously put a name to the taste i have, i just know that i want.... when i think of something its not in words, rather pictures or memories in my head.... to explain or tell one my thoughts i would have to give a whole background, explanation of what im seeing, and the significance of this. From past experience i have learned that to do so would be considered to be "long winded". when i type people joke with me about always "writing a book" but then i dont feel it is so much a critisization rather than an observation. I can write with much more explanation without being judged or sarcasm, without the facial expressions that accompany people, and without the feeling of rambling on (most of the time)

    Even with this knowledge i still cannot talk to people.... i think it is because i have taught myself to "filter" it down... to the point where the image in my mind cannot be translated into sensual words...i say what i see and people just look at me like im crazy because its only a tiny piece of the picture in my head. because of this ive learned to "filter" to nothing at all. My therapist gets frustrated because id open my mouth... the shut it and look away. My friend (who has saved my life) put it in her words of "when you cant say something i DO get frustrated, because im thinking 'its just me' but then i have to stop- and remember that you actually cannot put it into words. its not that you dont want to... its that you for some reason cannot" I literally cannot make the translation... i open my mouth but i cannot make the image come out. I cant project what im seeing onto a wall... and alotof times the image i see... well i wouldnt want to project it, or even explain it...

    i dont feel people can understand me for these... i tried explaining the first part to my therapist and she still thinks i can tell her what i "see"... i just cant... i cant speak my memories and "thoughts" anymore... ive tought my mind way too well that its not okay to say them.

    I dont know what to do with this info tho... i dont feel my therpist will understand, and she has stopped seeing me anyway. I wonder if i should try to explain the images in my head to my friend... but the fact that i cant get the damn words out of my mouth in the first place makes it so hard. Writing a letter to her i feel like an idiot... i have to sit and watch someone read what i wrote, my thoughts that i cant say, and see the facial expressions and feel like its a one sided conversation where im being judged....

    i feel so lost, like im back at square one after all this :( help
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2012
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Maybe meeting with a therapist who works on verbal communication would be helpful. There are many people for whom 'talking' is much more difficult. When we talk, we do not have any time to edit, other than not talking, and we cannot revise as we do in written communication. Thorny, what you have written is very understandable...many people have problems finding words to express themselves
  3. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    this was interesting to read. i think my way of thinking might be similar. i am also very bad with words, so i don't talk much. in fact as a small child, i didn't talk at all for a while, so that everyone, especially the school, started worrying if i could talk at all or even if i had trouble understanding the language (since my mouther tongue is not the languages spoken in the countries i lived in). i still have trouble expressing myself which of course makes me bad in school and have little friends. i also have the feeling of being misunderstood. i'm possessive over most of my thoughts. i feel like they lose their meaning if i share them with people. i like writing poems (stories too but not as much) and like to visualize things in them.

    i have no idea how to change it or make it better though. i only starte therapy again this year and my therapist has complained that he thinks i talk too much about things in general and not my depression, which is supposed to be the topic. so... like, you're really not the only one with this problem.

    just wondering, do you dream a lot as well?
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