difficult situation (very strong adult language)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by whybother?, Nov 22, 2007.

  1. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    just another warning , this thread contains alot of swearing!!!!

    sayin sorry now for any crap spellin mistakes , ya im still an idiot :tongue:

    well this is LONG , its part rant , and i need advice , feel free to move this if its in the wrong place

    ok anyways here i go

    im plannin on moving out next year, spring time to the area my g/f lives in . Just one small problem , her friends are the EXACT people i cant control my anger over, just the site of them makes my blood boil , ive told ma g/f about it , all she said was ''its upto u to ignore it or not'' seriously wat sorta advice is that?!?!

    ive said to her im not gonna be 1 of them assholes who stop u seein ur friends , she can see em all she wants , i just dont even wanna breath next to them fuckers :mad:

    so its either stay in this shithole every1 calls lincoln and NOT move to ma g/fs area , OR move to ma g/fs area(which is over 120 miles away) , either end up in prison for serious violence or never go out

    and NO i cannot simply change my ways etc etc im VERY set and never fuckin intend to change for ANY1 , not even my g/f , and ive made that 100% clear

    i myself on purposly dont follow the latest trend , infact i dress the opposite just to be different, i dispise any1 who listens to the latest pop chart music , i wanna kill fuckers who ware the latest trendy fashion designer clothes, and her friends are EXACTLY like that , 1 who shall remain nameless , listens to Mcfly (whom is my detested band of all time) ANNND loves high skl musical , the advert for that movie use to make me mad ffs!

    yes readin this ur thinkin ''this is 1 very angry young man'' well yes im angry with the world , im angry with the mainstream shit thats on the tv and music and clothes , hate the fact that most ppl are sheeple , follow everything new , got to be trendy , FUCCCCCCKERS!!!!!!!!
  2. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    well you asked what i thought about it i told ya, like you sed you aint gonna change, not even for me so i aint gonna change my friends either lol i have my friends who have their styles just as you have yours, its up to you what you do yknow, i have sed that people here can give you advice i really do not mind
  3. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hope I'm not getting in the middle of anything here, but seeing as you're asking for advice Nigel I have an idea. Moving anywhere for whatever reason is a fresh start for yourself. Yes you'll be closer to Hazibell which is great but at the same time, it's a new chapter of life for you. Moving to a new town you will need to find a new job and settle in and you won't need to blend in with Hazibell's friends, you could make some of your own. Saying that however, there's a high chance I guess you will need to be with Hazi's friends sometimes because they're her friends and you can't expect her (nor do I suspect you'd want her to) dump her friends because you don't like them. I can sense your frustration in your post, but ultimately, if you decide to move, you won't be around her friends all the time, you'll be with your girlfriend who you love, and you can make your own friends too.

    Hope things work out for you both. :)
  4. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    Thanks resistance. Youre so nice to everyone and everything you say makes sense to me. Just hope it does to him too.
  5. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    What I usually do if I'm extremely angry with a person is to clench my fists and imagine a sniper scope over their head, and then pretend they're being shot dead. A bit morbid, yes, but it makes me smile on the inside and helps calm me down. What also helps is to think about how sad that person must be to feel the need to "fit in" so much, they'd have to be pretty insecure and [insert issues here]. That also makes me smile on the inside. It may be mean, but it's still better than killing them :p

    I don't follow trends either. I don't hate people who do, I actually feel sorry for them. I mean, they do it because everyone does and because they think they have to, or else nobody will love them. I don't think they consciously think about it much.

    There's nothing wrong with being angry... maybe try finding a way to put it to good use. Like, write rants/articles about what pisses you off. Then the next time it pisses you off, you can remember what you wrote and know that you got it out of your system already. Or draw pictures or make music or whatever you're good at.

    Other than that, I agree with resistance... moving sounds like a good idea if that's what you want to do. Good luck :)
  6. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Well, you brought this issue in a public forum asking for advice and at that two oldies of this place which do not put at ease anyone to speak their mind, but I am not here not did I come here to make friends, I will allow myself to speak my mind. Like it or not, it is not meant to hurt anyone of the involved yet must be honest with both.....leaving personal feelings out of this. Being a moderator doesn't make it easy for anyone to comment being in party or collegues which calls for wearing white gloves...... or friends but as I am unaffected by either and respect both I will use my old age and speak by experience, either personal or known experience by my relatives, family, friends, my kids and their friends, grandchildren so using all age group to comment based on knowledge of experience of the mentioned.

    First. A couple that has unresolved issues before getting into a closer relationship is bound to have some brake sooner or later speciallly if none is ready to comunicate and find a reasonable ground for peace on BOTH sides.

    Secondly. Leaving one's town-city or else to move in with another person means more than moving within a same place. It means leaving behind all that is related to 'roots' so giving up a lot more than one might think to begin with. Means no friends to fall back onto on friday coz they are too far.. which the partner wont have to deal with. Family to fall back onto on a lonely sunday coz the night before partner went out with friends or whatever reason and went to bed in bad mood after perhaps say a word too many? So more lonely feeling. (will refrain to go too far here)

    Thirdly. Her friends wanting it or not, he will have to face sooner or later..either they come to pick her up, take her home, come over for a drink or a meal or an evening together. Normal. Once one is on its own, we want to enjoy things together with friends here and there, bound to happend. How will he feel then? Get out of his own apartment coz she has her friends over? How will she react if after a night out with her friends, worked up a word too many is said and hurts her feelings? That friend issue is on example but by experience I'd say there is more to it than just 'that'...... being unsaid.

    Fourth. I am not a dreamer (too old and realistic and pragmatic now) so lets see into reality of today. Should things not work out, under who's name will the apartment be? Who will be bound financially and be at risk? many aspects must be discussed BEFORE even planning to move in with someone an here I am talking to you both.

    There will be great days and nights yes, but there will be permanent tensions also. I'd adivize you to discuss without anger or bad feelings about all and all ...... couple,what you are willing and ready to give-put to make it work, what you are unwilling or not ready to change or accept, what you expect from one another is also very very important but the most important is NOT TO HOLD BACK ANYTHING and discuss in a comunicating way all issues that need to be put on the table. So........... put your cards face up on the table and speak out. You are bound to many negative outcomes should you hold on or hold back things hoping for the best...... couple life, family life is not something we throw the dice and cross our fingers in the hope to get a pair or ok you know what i mean.

    So, that leaves you with two options. I. stay on your positions, shut your moouths and feeligns hoping for the best or 2. discuss calmly, discussing all issues in an adult manner and find solutions that will be satisfactory to both.

    All is in the balance and it can be lighter on one and heavier on the other.. sooner or later something will spill out.

    Good luck and may you two see clear into this and find ground for happiness otherwise delay your decision and wait...... love doesn't mean we are meant to live together.... many people love to madness each others yet cant stand staying in a same room more than 24 horus without fighting over one or another thing.

    Good luck to the both of you
    granny xx
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2007
  7. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    "and NO i cannot simply change my ways etc etc im VERY set and never fuckin intend to change for ANY1 , not even my g/f , and ive made that 100% clear"

    You were very on the build up anger or resentment when you wrote this post but something seems clear.

    You do not intend to change for anyone which to a good degree I can only agree with you.


    There is always room to improve ourselves so hopefully you are conscient of this and have an open mind to do the difference and accept this.

    Another thing before I leave this thread as for no reason will I come back to it, either you comment or else about what I've said or about to.

    I'd recomend some counseling to you hun. If you are so set in your old ways and refuse at all cost to put water in your glass of wine you are bound to hurt her and then hurt in turn.

    Living on your own you can do it and its your business but when we live two under a single roof as a couple, both are bound to change even if it is in accepting and agreeing to lower the toilet seat or not wearing too open breast blouse coz it makes him jealous. It is called COMPREMISING.... so if either or both or else is not something you can do, you have a deep problem and it is not only reguarding the couple but an inner problem as well.

    Now i have said what i feel needed to be said.......... hopefully you will both reflect about it all before reaching to conclusion.

    No offence to none here, but this is MY OPINION so you do what you want to with it...... good luck and wish yo both happiness.

  8. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    hey their Endinday

    well that was a long and interesting read , and dw im not easily offened, and i did forget to mention in the 1st part that me and my g/f have had a long chats about me movin so its nothin like spare of the moment , had this planned for about a year now!

    also ive had a talk with my father (probs the only family member i can stand to talk to for 30 mins) and he said he will help me move out , help me with my money and etc so its not like im doin it all by myself

    also ive had family problems (wont go into detail) so leavin my family i really wouldnt care , yes i will leave my friends behind , but thats where msn and webcams come in handy :biggrin: my income will be steady becuz i will be gettin transfered from here to my g/f area , seen as shes only a student , i will be payin the full brunt of the bills and rent etc etc ,but i can EASILY afford it with the wages im on

    and yes i agree i have sum anger issues to iron out , but 2 years ago i was a full on nutcase, i use to have full fits of rage , ive got this far and have calmed down a hell of alot, my rage and anger is from my mother , so wen i move out i can iron out the anger i have left over , my g/f was the 1 who got me this calm and thats only over the net! hmmm wat else is their to say, ive got a terrible memory , well i think thats it all isnt it? well i'll reply sum more if ive missed anything out


  9. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    ooh and SoulRiser hehe i actually do sumtimes visualise things like that! how freaky that u shud mention sumthin like that and i actually do! lol i do imagine sum chav gettin his head blown off or me beatin the crap outta him with a baseball bat , ive never told any1 this cuz i thought ppl wud think im sick

    also that 1st post i made did make me feel a hell of alot better , felt like a relief that ppl knew my anger , it felt better than havin a ciggie! seriously i felt calm after writing it,

    good suggestions with wat to do tho , apart from i cannot draw a straight line let alone anything else lol and cant exactly write music, but i do make videos on youtube , that takes up alot of time, mite get back into doin that :-D

  10. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Have you met her in person before though?

    lol... I think lots of people actually do that, but they never talk about it for the same reason, so it's actually sort of normal :p

    That's what's great about forums, you can get all your frustrations out :)
    Even before I had internet access, I'd scribble things down on paper to get my frustrations out, that helped a lot too... except nobody else ever read any of it.
  11. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    Hey Soul, im his gf and yes we have met :)
  12. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    lol... small world :)
  13. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    lol pretty much, nah we met on here