Difficult situation.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Avarice, Jun 19, 2010.

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  1. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm in a bit of a difficult situation. An online friend of mine that I've known for over two years plans to visit my home country next summer, and I'm worried. He's made no secret of the fact that he has romantic interests in me, and I'm afraid that he'll come here expecting something more than just friendship, even though I've told him countless times that I'm not interested in that. Problem with him is that he has an awfully huge ego, and believes, despite my telling him otherwise, that me and him will eventually end up together and live happily ever after, etc. It annoys the fuck out of me, because he did this whilst I was with my ex-boyfriend as well; telling me he loved me, saying rude disgusting things to me, trying to break us up, etc., but he just never gets the message. Now he's telling me he's staying with some friends of his in England next summer and plans to come and visit me. I really don't want it to happen, but I feel powerless to stop it. If I get aggressive and nasty and tell him to just back the fuck off he'll get EXTREMELY emo as he so often does, and start lying to me and making me feel bad. Once he even told me he had cancer and only two weeks left to live after I rejected him. I know he sounds like somebody I shouldn't have in my life, and a lot of the time I don't want him in it, but I have my reasons. I've tried being as nice as I possibly can about it but it's not getting through to him.

    Not only that, but he is the kind of person who can get VERY difficult to handle if things don't go his way. He knows my facebook url (we aren't friends on there but he knows how to find me) and I'm worried that he'll do the thing I've always been afraid he will; add my 'friends' and family and start talking about me with them; how we're going to get married and have kids and be so happy, along with all his other crazy beliefs. He's done it before after I've told him not to, and it's something he knows I don't like him doing. I refuse to add him on Facebook due to the fact that I know he'll look through all my wall posts and friends pages. He's often said to me that he wants to get to know my family because they're going to be his future family and I know him well enough to say that he WILL add my siblings on Facebook if the fancy takes him. The only reason he hasn't done it so far is because we're on good terms and I've told him not to. He's the kind of person that says disgusting things about sex and he is a HUGE embarassment in that regard, it'll be even worse if he starts adding my brothers and sisters and talking to them about how many kids we're gunna have and trying to get to me through them; making me come around to his way of thinking that I should go out with him.

    I know this all sounds completely insane but I know this is the kind of thing he'd do based off of all the things he's said to me over the years. Comments about how he ought to start to get to know my family so I should give him my cousins MSN's, how I should let him stay at my house when he visits so that he can meet his future in-laws, adding one of my close online friends on Facebook after I directly told him not to, the list goes on.. I've tried talking to him about it and he always promises not to do these things but as soon as we have a falling out it's like his promises don't matter anymore, because he just goes and does what he wants to anyway. I don't really know what to do about this situation short of deleting my Facebook (which I don't want to do for communication purposes) or just putting up with him whilst he's here and hoping nothing bad happens.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    What a psycho.

    Just cut off contact with him and if he starts fucking with you on facebook start telling everyone on there he's stalking you including HIS friends and family.
  3. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Yeah.. That's really not normal. I think you need to be proactive on this one and create a new facebook account and delete your original in the event of something happening in the future. From what youve written he sounds dillusional. That's some very discriptive stuff youve written coming from his mind.. Is he depressed or have any conditions? It sounds like a real fantasy for him is brewing, .. it might be in your best interest to slowly break off contact with him, or atleast refraim from connecting him to your personal life.

    Does he talk like this all the time or only sometimes?

    Just protect yourself, even if he is a nice person, he might unintentionally cause you emotional harm.
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Does he know how to find you IRL?

    You need to get this man out of your life. He sounds psychotic, and abusive. Whatever your reasons are, they cannot justify his behaviour.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree you need to change your facebook..Did you meet him here?? If so put him on your ignore list.. It sounds like he is unstable and you don't need that.. He doesn't have any of your personal info does he??He could really harm you if you meet in real life..I wish you all the best..
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate it. To answer all the questions: I gave him my address a long long time ago for the purpose of him wanting to send me a birthday card, but I'm not sure if he still has it. He claims he does, but then again he has a tendancy to lie a lot, so I'm not 100% sure. At the very least he knows what city I live in. I didn't meet him here but rather on an anime forum that we both used to frequent. I don't believe he has depression or any other mental conditions, he seems to live in some kind of fantasy world and thinks that he's irresistable to women. He's dated other girls since I've known him, but he's always told them that he's in love with someone else before they get together. He doesn't say these things constantly when we're in a conversation, mostly just when a certain topic arises such as my love life, or my ex, or his visit to England, or sometimes just randomly because he wants to.

    I've been thinking about blocking him on Facebook. I'm not sure if when somebody is blocked if they can still see your profile and friends? It might be worth a shot. Otherwise I'll just delete it or change my screen name to that he can't find me anymore. 'til then I guess I'll just try ease off with conversating with him for a while. Luckily he lives in America so there is a huge time zone difference so we aren't always online at the same times anyway. >_<
  7. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    That type of person worries me. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I think you should be careful around people like that.
  8. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    This is very worrying, I see you did not meet him here but is he a member now?
    Who do you live with? Make it clear that he will not be staying with you, in fact I would advise that you do not meet him at all.
    It is very clear what he wants and you are in a vulnerable situation. Block him on any sites you both visit, he will then not be able to see your profile.
    If you live alone and know when he is visiting I suggest you move in with a friend at that time.
    On NO condition allow him into your home.
    Sorry if I'm sounding over dramatic to you but I don't like this one bit! Please pm me if you want to talk.

    Take care Hazel
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    This guy sounds scary. He's talking about getting married? even though you've told him you're not interested in him..
    Your safety comes first! Delete your facebook, tell him you want nothing to do with him. You don't have to put up with this hun :hug:

    Please don't meet up with this person-he sounds controlling and possessive.
    Oh and you can change your profile privacy settings in your User CP :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2010
  10. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Maybe try googleing your user name/name on facebook to see what sort of information is public. Though I would suggest deleting your account and creating an entirely new one.

    I will say this if you do decide to do this, and I hope you do, you more than likely will recieve some sort of responce from him in emails and such. So how you go about doing it will determine the sort of reaction he is going to impose on you. Whatever happens in that regard, his treatment of you and the friendship between you is just wrong. Don't let him emotionally black mail you into keeping him a friend if you choose to break off the friendship. Just try your best to end it as gently as the situation can.
    You don't need someone who's faking dying from cancer and harassing you and your friends about things like marriage and crap like that.

    How old is he anyhow?
  11. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Why did you stay in an online relationship with him in the first place when you saw he was so weird?
    He sounds like a narcissist.
  12. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    He isn't a member here and doesn't know that I use this website. I live with my mum and my older brother in a flat, so luckily he'd have to buzz up to my flat before he could be let into the building, though hopefully it won't come to that. I've checked what information is available for people to see that aren't my friends on Facebook and all he can see is my picture, name and friends list. I fear that even if I did make a new Facebook, all he'd have to do is type my name into the search bar and look through the pictures to find me again. To answer the age question, he is 19 years old, the same as I am.

    We aren't and haven't been in a relationship online, we've only ever been friends much to his aggitation, so the most we do is speak at times when we're both online at the same time. There have been a few times when we've not spoken for long periods of time, but he'd leave me loads of offline messages, emails and start snooping about asking mutual friends what I've been up to in my life, finding out everything he can about my relationship with my (then) boyfriend, and other such things.

    I know I probably should have put a stop to this a long time ago, I just don't have many (if any) friends and it's nice to have someone who will actually listen to me when I've got problems, or to randomly chat about anime or such with, even if he see's more in it than I do. Thank you all who replied since though, I appreciate all the advice given and I'll try and talk to him about this when he next comes online. I'll let you know how it goes. :mhmm:
  13. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    First of all, just make your facebook private so that people can't search you or even see your friends or anything like that... you can do that through the privacy controls on facebook...

    This dude sounds psychotic, and for your own good, you need to cut off contact with this guy... he sounds like the type that would lock you in his basement or something... seriously this guy is crazy... and you need to stop talking with him and avoid him... im surprised he even knows where you live, why would you give that info to someone you don't really trust...? anyways, just stop contacting him or responding to him... if he comes to your place, tell him to leave, and if he doesn't, then you should call the authorities.
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