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Difficult Thread *trigger*

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by BlackPegasus, Jan 29, 2008.

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  1. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    This is a hard thread to write. It's not easy knowing I'm more than likely going to get hurtful comments. People always seem to blame the victim. I guess it stems from arrogance. people assume they are too smart and it could never happen to them.

    I honestly fear my STBX is going to turn into a killer. The things he said in the past few months had become more and more morbid. He's always talked of torturing and punishing all the ingrates of the world which seemed to include everyone but himself. Talked about the need to be like God. Even said he was superior.

    Now if you take the time to read my blog you'll see some of it but you certainly couldn't gather the full measure of things from that alone. You'd need to actually be around him in his dark moments to know what I'm referring to. It not just a matter of a man who abuses women. This is a man who is dangerous to others as well. And i don't think anyone gets how serious I am about this. I feel like people want to play it down.

    of course my lawyer told me I better not go back to him. That that was how girls like me get killed. After the fact it sounds like an insult but it really wasn't. I think she realized just how dangerous my husband and his father truly are.

    If you're gonna respond please do it with some wisdom. I am too fragile right now for comments from those who simply think they have answers. I just need acknowledgment that I've been heard in this matter. That the seriousness of what happen to me has been realized by at least a few.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    sweetie i am walking the same long dark path you are travelling. the fear and confusion can be overwhelming and oh so tiring both physically and emotionally. here i go throwing out words that i hope help but find difficult to follow myself. you have to stop taking responsibility for his actions. somedays i wish i could post an ad in the paper warning others about my ex. he too has the rest of the world convinved he is something he is not. and what scares me more is that he has care and control of my daughter right now. she is the same age that i was when we started dating. and i hate the thought of what he is and might do to her. but the "innocent" man has even convinced CFS that our daughter needs a father in her life. so all i can do is try to care for her and keep building her self esteem and teach her so that she doesn't become another "victim". i cant be responsible for him any longer. i know your exs type all too well. and unfortunately they are such strong individuals that it often takes others truly getting involved with those types to see their true colors. all i can offer is that he showed those colors to you and he WILL expose them to others. Others that are not in a position to be manipulated by his "charm". i am so proud of you for having the courage, strength and determination to leave him. i truly know how hard that is. and the road is still long ahead. you have to work towards healing yourself now. things are still fresh and raw but they will get better. give yourself a much deserved pat on the back. always here for you. please dont feel so alone and unheard regarding your ex. there is atleast one other here that understands and feels your pain all to well.
  3. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Thanks sweetie! You're wisdom is always appreciated. :hug: Thanks so much for telling me what I need to here.

    It like I know it's true but it is very hard to follow. It's true that I shouldn't put that responsibility on myself. I know I am not responsible for his actions but at the same time I'm allowing his actions to make me feel guilty. It doesn't make sense does it? I dunno. Maybe if I can get a restraining order it can at least prevent him from getting a gun. I know he would have already killed me if he had one.

    I am going to the support group on Thursday. That's to good news.
  4. I can't fathom the entirety of your situation but can indeed relate somewhat, with empathy. Won't go into detail, but I can identify with the seeming "futility" of trying to get others to 'see' someone's true colours, to no avail. The thing is, albeit easier said than done (this I also know), right now, YOU are the priority. You have all-too-fresh new wounds from the reality of what you just came out of. It is not selfish to take care of yourself first in this time, it is SELF CARE...

    It is terrible to concede at this time that you cannot prevent what may happen to others should they encounter his wrath and 'superiority' - but this is at present at least, out of your hands. I also realize that it occupies much of your time and that you care deeply about the potential harm he may yet cause. But right now, you need to concentrate on your own long road to healing.

    I know (!) these are only words thar I offer... it's just that I can see it from another perspective, having gone through some of this several years ago now. Unfortunately, only hindsight is 20/20... (and it goes without saying, can be as bitter as what one has already endured)...
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
  5. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Thank you foundandlost. Your words did help. It's just nice to know I'm not suffering alone anymore. It was so hard going through that and having no one to turn to.:hug:
  6. Wow, I could almost cry - I have a lump in my throat. I can't share your actual journey with you, but I have travelled down a 'similar' road myself - as have countless others - and I dare say, have NOT come to the conclusion that YOU have!

    I'm glad I could help in some small way Hon - though I can't take away your horrible pain, as well as the ensuing confusion...However, confusion, no matter how disturbing, is still a sign that you are 'evaluating' (questioning) instead of 'accepting' - you have begun taking your first steps (I know they seem small right now...) - and as I also said, not all can/feel able to embark on this [daunting] road.

    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi BlackPegasus. I think that you should consider getting a restraining order against him so that if he comes near you again you could have him arrested. A person like this should also not allowed to obtain a firearm, because that would give him the means to kill someone. If you truly believe in your heart that he is a potential murderer, then you should be very careful.
  8. With all due respect for your very real concern & wish to help (and as I'm sure B.P may be aware of), the bottom line, the devastating and infuriating reality is, that restraining orders are worth little more than the paper they're written on.

    If the abuser is set on (as they often are) more violence and blind retribution, nothing will deter them. Not to mention that if they do break that 'peace bond' (as also often happens...) it is too late for the victim... in fact, according to the horrible stats, it is when a woman leaves that she puts herself precisely in those [even more] dangerous circumstances. Not to deter anyone from leaving(!) and NOT to scare anyone (frig) but it's true... Vigilance is paramount...
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