Difficulty with confrontation

[friendless]

I'm passive-aggressive because I can't deal with direct confrontation even if it's peaceful discussion. Whenever I have to talk to someone about something they're doing that's bothering me I feel sick to my stomach and I can't stop shaking. I was abused as a child and still have an intense emotional reaction that I can't control. I break down and my voice cracks and sometimes cry.

I don't know what to do about this. Any advice?

 

[WildCherry]

Maybe writing down your emotions first, so you can get a handle on what you want to say first? If it's hard for you to say how you feel, you could even give the person what you've written, or send them an email. But at least getting things out might slowly help to build your confidence.

Have you talked to a counselor or therapist? They might have suggestions on things you could try.

 

[friendless]

I do practice. I practice what I'm going to say in my head over and over again. I can practice in the bathroom mirror until I get it perfect, but even before the time comes to talk with the person I react. My vision even begins to blur.

I don't have a therapist or a councilor.

 

[WildCherry]

I really think you could benefit from therapy, because a therapist could give you some strategies and ideas to help you build your confidende.

 

[Speedy]

Hey Dona,

Maybe, for discussions like the ones you describe, you can make sure (when possible) to use e-mail or other forms of communication (not face-to-face). That way, you can get your message across more easily (no worrying about breaking down) and diplomatically.

Alison's suggestion of therapy is spot-on too. Maybe that's another route you can try.

With much care,

Alex