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Direct aggression vs Passive aggressive

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kirovski22, Jun 10, 2013.

  1. Kirovski22

    Kirovski22 Active Member

    In the past I have been quite aggressive to those who get on my nerves or behave in such ways that make me angry but recently I have turned to passive aggression due to my changes in personality (it's constantly changing). I find it's a good way to get my point across and hint things without being directly aggressive. I know it makes me harder to read as a person but I feel calmer when doing it.

    What do you think is more suitable? Direct aggression or passive aggression?
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    How about going for assertiveness and avoiding aggressiveness altogether? Aggression - passive, active overt, covert - usually provokes the other person in some way, which can result in aggression from the other person in return. Assertiveness allows us to say plainly in a non-aggressive way what we want the other person to know/understand about our point of view, what we will or will not do, will or will not accept from them, etc.

    Here is a link to some pages about assertiveness from the Mayo Clinic in the USA: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/assertive/SR00042
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I think that working on calmly assertive would be a good goal. Certainly it is a more cleansing feeling that passive aggressive, and more effective than both passive and active aggression. It is very good that you have control over your anger and are able to stay calm - maybe you can work on addressing problems directly but non-aggressively?

    (Edit: Acy had not posted when I wrote this - she just jumped in there ahead of me :p )
  4. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    Interesting question. Direct aggression can possibly escalate a situation - it has the potential to make things worse and to force the other person to be aggressive right back. Passive aggression can build up inside you until it's all you're thinking about, which is obviously worse for you. We all need an outlet.

    I'm definitely passive. I, too, hint at things and choose my words carefully when I'm trying to get a message across to a person in real life. I think I'm more aggressive online. Maybe?

    Either way, I do agree that focusing on being assertive is a good idea. It's a way to take all that passive-aggressive anger and channel it into something with lots of confidence in a way that leaves no one confused. It's a great trait to have.

    I do think some issues (and people) can only be met with aggression, though, but only in extreme cases.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I think both are bad...I know because I do both and have both done to me on a regular basis. So I would say being firm, without getting too aggressive is the best way to go.
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Neither. I find passive aggressives more irritating than direct aggressives though. I find the inane sarcasm uneccesary with people who are passive aggressive, at least with direct aggressives they get to the point and you know where you stand. But neither are good traits to have really. I can only echo what others have said, in that you should focus on being assertive, as it's more beneficial to yourself and others and people respect you more for it.